PILA Month day 27

Day 27 - your worst habit since your child's death

My worst habit has become letting too much time pass between contact with the people I care about while I hide under a rock. Whether it be a neighbor I enjoy chatting with or a family member I miss and wish I got to chat with more, excuses seem pleantiful since we found out about Jonathan. I don't know if it was THAT phone call that did it in for the phone conversations or what but since then I would prefer almost any form of communication that the phone.

I am finding it easier to get out and about as time passes. When I was still pregnant with Jonathan I wanted nothing to do with life outside my house. People would ask me about my pregnancy. "Is it your first" No. "Are you so excited?!"... at which point I was faced with a) dump the whole pile of stinky shit on their feet... NO! MY CHILD IS GOING TO DIE! b) lie and say Yup! Sure am! Meanwhile I am dying inside. or c) avoid. avoid. avoid.

I avoided. It was hard to recover from that habit, but I am trying. If you haven't heard from me in a while know that it is not personal, I am working on it and in the meantime, pick up the phone and CALL ME!!