Every year my friend Heidi comes back to our neck of the woods from hers and her in laws host a huge pumpkin carving party on their farm. It is very fun and something we look forward to all year! This was Heidi's first meeting of Torin.
I hopped in yesterday to find something I had posted and realized I only had to go back a few pages before I hit last year. I keep saying I am going to try and be better but the reality is that I am just under water most of the time. With three boys under 5 I am busy and exhausted. So I will try to catch up a bit and see what happens. I will hope to be better about posting this coming year...
Grayson is enjoying preschool for the second year. We are still at the coop and this year I am the class rep/coordinator. It is a lot more work than I expected it would be but overall it isn't horrible. (read: I won't be doing it again as long as I have babies) He has really come into his own this year and loves to build elaborate marble runs out of various materials Teacher P pulls out for him. He has become known as quite the little architect to his friends and they all wait for him to come and help them construct these fun tracks. He also still really enjoys art and imaginative play. He is a lovely helper and awesome big brother too!
Jaxon has learned the word no. And says it quite often. I think I hear it in my sleep he says it so much. He loves helping me clean the house and play with his toys and coloring. He loves learning new things and watching Grayson do things and trying them too. Usually he is successful. He is very social and loves to play with friends and say hi to people. He is also a great big brother, always asking to hold Torin or nurse him. Yes you read that right, he seems to think he too has breast milk and Torin needs it. He has asked to nurse him more than a few times. No matter how I tell him he doesn't have milk, he wants to try anyway. lol
Torin just discovered his smile and uses it often. He is a VERY happy baby and a great sleeper already like Jaxon was/is. He smiles non-stop and is learning to laugh. He enjoys nursing, "playing" with his brothers and sleeping with mommy. Oh and nursing. :)
Zack's job is going well and is almost to the two year mark. It is hard to believe the 18 months of joblessness is so long ago. It is almost just a memory. We are still recovering but we are almost there. Life is mostly ok.
I am learning to juggle 3 little boys the house and everything else. I will admit that usually one of them is "hitting the floor" but I am quick to "pick it up" and keep on trucking. I think this is all a really great lesson for me in what is a priority and what isn't. I have always been a bit of a control freak and I just can't control it all now, or most of it in fact. I am a quick learner luckily.
I just looked down a realized my leg hair is probably longer than my husbands. Hot. If you are in to that, that's cool but I am not. Er, never was.
Somewhere along the way, I went from Jaimey to Mommy. It happens to the best of us, in the blink of an eye and before you know it, only shreds of your former self remain. I SWORE it would never happen to me. I would never get lost in my marriage, never be the slave to my kids and my role as mommy and wife. It's one of the reasons I hyphenated my last name. Marriage was an addition to my life, not a hostile take over.
And yet, here I sit with mile-long-leg hair. My hair in a perpetual Mommy-tail and frumpy cozy clothes after the kids go to bed, folding mountains and mountains of laundry. The sea of tiny clothing, begging to be put on tiny squishy bodies. Bodies that came from mine that I would give my life for, that as a mommy you put on this earth and it's as if your entire soul is walking away from your bodywith a mind of it's own and free will. You will feel every hurt they feel, every achievement and in that time you teach them and hope that you taught them everything they need to know.
So while I swore I would never be that woman, the woman who loses herself in her family I realize that I have and I am. And man am I happy I did. I could not be happier about my choice to be a mom. I love my life and my kids, through every tear and laugh. With mile long leg hair and my perma Mommy-tail and mountains of laundry. I am good with it.
I woke up on Aug 30, his due date feeling like things were different. I started noticing contractions about 30 minutes apart from 6 am- about 1pm when I laid down to take a nap. I woke up an hour later with them closer to 15 minutes apart. I told Zack things were getting quicker. I busied myself getting the last minute things into bags for the boys and myself and toward the door.
About 3 I said it was time to get the kids to our friends house and head to the hospital. I had planned on going to the same hospital I had Jaxon at but when I called and told them I was headed there and had been 4cm for a few weeks the nurse freaked out a little, given my vba2c status. I was urged to go the the hospital that is closer. I hung up and told Zack what they said. I drove the kids to my friends house so I could give her my car as well with Zack following closely behind.
Once I got there my phone started ringing again. I answered knowing it was the nurse, she said that two the major highways around the hospital had been closed due to fire and the traffic on the one I would be taking would be horrible. She was very concerned that I wouldn't make it the 35 miles in that kind of traffic. It was decided I would head to the other hospital.
Zack and I left my friend Diana's house and headed to the hospital. The kids were in great hands and it was so nice to not have to worry about them while I was busy. My contractions picked up in the car on the way to the hospital. Once we got there and and got me up to the check in area the nurses seemed to think I wasn't in labor or something, this seems to be common practice I think. Assume you are crazy and can't figure out a 9 lb watermelon is trying to exit your body... One nurse says, "Let's get her to triage and see if she is in labor." I confirmed "This is labor, 4th baby, I am pretty sure I know labor. And I have been 4 cm for weeks. This baby is coming!" I was a little ticked off.
DO NOT PISS OF A LABORING MAMA! seriously. who does that?!
So I got checked in and was indeed 6cm and in labor (duh). A few minutes later, I was escorted to my room. Upon entering I was greeted my a midwife, one I had been told was great so that was a relief, who told me if I wanted an epidural I should say so now. My doula (same amazing woman as last time) wasn't even there yet, and I said as much and passed.
Shannon (my Doula) got there about 6pm and thank goodness because so did the back labor! She was amazing as she had been before. She rubbed and massaged and pressed as hard as she could on my lower back. She was great at keeping me grounded. When I forgot to breath, she would breath really loud and remind me. When I needed more pressure she pushed. I can not recommend her highly enough. I wish everyone I knew would use her. They would not regret it.
Zack was in charge of photography during this time.
Hours of laboring like this, eating ice chips (which was no issue for me! I was pretty anemic this time around and ice was my favorite treat!) and being monitored and timed. I learned that I had roughly 2 hours to get to 8 cm because of my vba2c status (vaginal birth after 2 cesareans) and they were concerned about uterine rupture and hemorrhage because I lost so much blood with Jaxon.
Around 930 or so I was getting tired, I had held it together pretty well except when I went to the bathroom and for whatever reason that position had made my body contract in such a way it scared me! The most guttural hollers were coming out of me that I couldn't control. The midwife walked back in after stepping out and upon hearing this started yelling to get me out of there, I could hear the concern in her voice. I could see something going very wrong and so could she. Once I got back to my spot on the bed things calmed down quickly, my doula resumed her position and I regained my composure. Not long later I asked for something to take the edge off. The midwife basically said Fat Chance Charlie. Something about being too far along at 9cm. She broke my water and I got to 10cm quickly.
You are ready to push! She proclaimed.
GREAT?! REALLY?! NO I AM NOT!!! Holy hell, I wanted a c section in that very moment. I wanted to rewind and pretend I had never asked for any of this! You know that feeling you get of dread when you see the mess you are in and worse yet when you CHOSE to put yourself there?!
She kept yelling at me that I could do this and that I WAS doing this. That I needed to push. Honestly, I tried so hard to not push, but since there is only one exit that late in the game I had no choice. So I pushed. Luckily for me only a few times and he was out.
The nurse said I pushed for 9 minutes but "the first set didn't could cause I was pulling him back in" Lovely. :) So 6-9 minutes depending on who you ask...
Of PURE. TORTURE.
Holy hell child birth hurts. Natural child birth sucks a lot! And if you asked me in the first few days you would have heard no way in HELL was I doing that again! But I have come to my senses and would do it again. The healing has been much nicer than a c section.
So I got my vba2c! I am very very happy about that part.
Without further ado, welcome
Torin "Bacon" James
8 lb 13 oz
(cause that is really all that matters!)
@ 10:39 pm
I can always tell when I have been away too long. Thank you for Melissa for calling me out of hiding. :) I am fine. All is well. I am currently 33 weeks pregnant and the bean is fine. He is another boy, not sure if I updated that before I wandered off... Apparently we only make boys.
Anyway, Zack's job is going well. He has been working a lot of hours and we miss him. I keep joking that we are going to name the baby Jim after his boss, since he is always with the guy. He doesn't think I am funny somehow. Honestly, I am just thankful he has a job and that we have less stress on that end.
I am still staying at home with the boys, struggling to keep it somewhat clean as they work their messy magic in circles around me. I heard it said once that cleaning while you have young children is like shoveling snow while it is snowing. I firmly believe this. Unfortunately, you can't stop either, then it just get completely out of hand. So I just keep on trucking and then at the end of the day curl up in the fetal position and rock, hoping when I open my eyes the mess will be gone. Hasn't worked for the record.
Beyond that, life is calm. We are enjoying our mild summer. I just smile when people complain that Oregon isn't sunny right now. We have had rain all week. I just say my little prayer to the Universe that it isn't hot and boiling and say KEEP it COMING! Sorry friends, it's me, I admit it. I keep the sun at bay! :)
I will try to check in soon. If I can get out of my fetal position more often.
Even since I was a little girl I have always loved getting mail! As a grown up with responsibility and bills that has only intensified, because it's so far between "fun mail". My favorite mail one of my favorite letters on the front of it...
A few days ago this came in the mail and I couldn't even get home before I ripped it open! I was SO excited.
Who is that gorgeous kid on the front of the new wetbag package?
Jaxon is on the package for the liners. I am one proud Mama!! :)
BUT! All is well. Thank you if you are still reading my cobwebbed sporadic postings. I wanted to come back briefly and let you know that the baby is fine! All of our numbers came back good on the AFP test. 1/26000 for neural tube defects (Anencephaly), 1/25000 for trisomies and downs. (or something like that.) All within normal range. To put it in perspective, Jonathan's numbers were 1/5. that is the highest they give for any given abnormality because it could be a false positive.
We had a higher level ultra sound the day after our tests came back to confirm the diagnosis which was great to see our sweet little baby and HIS very round little head.
And yes, you read that right. It is another boy. Apparently, there are NOT girl sperm to be had and there will probably not be any girls in our family other than me! Though I did reserve the right to have one more child, I am resigned to it being a sweet little boy too.
So that is the news. All good. Thanks for reading.
Maybe it is coming from all the emotions from taking the test today that will tell me if or Not that this baby is okay and does not have a neural tube defect like our sweet angel baby Jonathan. I hate that test and I love that test. It is the test I took that initially told us that Jonathan would not live, that the sweet baby I felt kicking inside me would die with in minutes of birth. I was his only source of life. I love that test and it's ability to tell me in advance, sparing me such anguish when I don't bring home a healthy child as I would have expected otherwise. I loath it because it tells me such horrible things.
That day will never leave my mind. I think a part of me was naive until that day. I took that test without a care for the results. It never even crossed my mind that it could come back as something other than fine. That doesn't happen to people like you and me.
I hope in the next few days to know again, as I did with Jaxon that all is well and baby is fine. I will report back and maybe feel a little less lost.
It seems with my day to day life getting in the way of this here blog I am forgetting to update the few followers I have left on the goings on that might matter a bit. :)
We found out December 24, that we are expecting again. I am hoping for a girl, obviously, and since I am 10 weeks tomorrow and still not the slightest bit sick I have a suspicion it might be! (Well, if there are any girl sperm to be had from that man anyway, he doesn't seem to be so good at that so far!) SO ya, there you have it. I am pregnant! Due date is officially Aug 31 but knowing my children s/he will be a September child, which would make her either a Virgo or a Leo depending on if you go by the "new" or old zodiac signs.
STUPID I tell you, that is what that is. Whatever, I don't pretend to be smarter than those scientists but really? Come on, it's like all of a sudden saying Pluto isn't a planet, does anyone not say Pluto when they say the planets? Whatever.
Anyway, this time around I am not nearly as stressed out. I hardly have time to be, those boys of mine are keeping me quite busy. Jax just turned one on the 16th and Gray turned 4 on the 13th. We were in California. Jax is having his party this weekend, a slight delay from last week when we were all dying of the flu. Joy. Gray will have a 1/2 birthday party again at his request.
So thanks to the "5" of you who still read. That is what is new, I would love to update more and plan on it just don't know when... cross your fingers.
I have been wanting to redo the playroom for sometime, it was just NOT conducive to play the way it was. Unfortunately, I forgot to take before pictures. As usual. :( There was a huge armoir in one corner with things tucked in laundry baskets for organization. Then a big self unit on the wall the toy box is on. It was hard to play, little space and just plain ugly. The boys got quite a bit of money for Christmas and birthday's so it went to this. I love it! Let me know what you think in the comments!
I have the idea that where the cushions will be can also be a stage. It can serve many options the way it is or we can always add more storage later and "build" up.
Thank you to Papa and Grandpa Merchant for helping us make this happen!
I don't know what to write. I feel like I should write. But I don't know what to put down. It's like high school/college where that paper is due tomorrow and yet a blank piece of paper sits in front of you. Now everyone uses computers but in school I was still using paper. That was a long time ago.
This post really sucks and honestly, if you are still reading, I'm sorry. :)
Tomorrow we leave for San Diego for a bit. It should be fun, we are really looking forward to it. We have not taken a vacation in what seems like forever. I am procrastinating. I should be finishing the Christmas gifts for the family down there. I should be finishing packing. I should be cleaning the house so I come home to a decent looking mess rather than a trash heap we usually come home to but here I am procrastinating. And sadly, not even doing it well.
So off I go and I hope to have some stuff to post soon and maybe an end to the brain block and time crunch I seem to be experiencing lately. Thanks for hanging with me my faithful 25 followers.