Monday, March 28, 2011

a little late

BUT! All is well. Thank you if you are still reading my cobwebbed sporadic postings. I wanted to come back briefly and let you know that the baby is fine! All of our numbers came back good on the AFP test. 1/26000 for neural tube defects (Anencephaly), 1/25000 for trisomies and downs. (or something like that.) All within normal range. To put it in perspective, Jonathan's numbers were 1/5. that is the highest they give for any given abnormality because it could be a false positive.

We had a higher level ultra sound the day after our tests came back to confirm the diagnosis which was great to see our sweet little baby and HIS very round little head.

And yes, you read that right. It is another boy. Apparently, there are NOT girl sperm to be had and there will probably not be any girls in our family other than me! Though I did reserve the right to have one more child, I am resigned to it being a sweet little boy too.

So that is the news. All good. Thanks for reading.

Monday, March 21, 2011


I feel lost.

There it is.

Maybe it is coming from all the emotions from taking the test today that will tell me if or Not that this baby is okay and does not have a neural tube defect like our sweet angel baby Jonathan. I hate that test and I love that test. It is the test I took that initially told us that Jonathan would not live, that the sweet baby I felt kicking inside me would die with in minutes of birth. I was his only source of life. I love that test and it's ability to tell me in advance, sparing me such anguish when I don't bring home a healthy child as I would have expected otherwise. I loath it because it tells me such horrible things.

That day will never leave my mind. I think a part of me was naive until that day. I took that test without a care for the results. It never even crossed my mind that it could come back as something other than fine. That doesn't happen to people like you and me.

I hope in the next few days to know again, as I did with Jaxon that all is well and baby is fine.
I will report back and maybe feel a little less lost.

This too shall pass right?