PILA Month day 20

Day 20 - a hobby of yours and how it changed since your loss.

oops maybe I should finish this here blog post instead of just having it scheduled with nothing in it...

I used to scrapbook. I love it. LoveD is more correct I guess. I started doing quicker versions of what I do when I was in high school and went on a cross country trip with my grandma. I had all these photos and the big idea to do a huge album with them and all the momentos I picked up along with way.

I never finished it.

Others did get finished however. An album for my charges I used to care for, various years of Zack's and my life together. Our wedding album.

I was doing pretty good at keeping up with the scrapbook of our daily lives until Grayson came along. I got a little sidetracked with his album that I wanted to be his first two years of life. I got about 9 months in and got a little sidetracked again. Our family album has not been touched since I was pregnant with G.

I went to craft night with some friends last night and realized as I worked on Grayson's album that I may be avoiding my albums. If I finish G's album I have Jaxon's and well at some point I have Jonathan's. That one is painful to remember. It is hard enough to look back at my blog and read what I was going through but to put it on paper (which takes WAY longer) and make it a hard copy, well, I just don't think I am ready.

Losing a child changes who you are. It changes your thinking and it changes you in ways you may never know until they pop up sometime later. Like this. Who knew it would affect my scrapbooking? But it has.