Saturday, December 27, 2008

38 weeks pregnant

I just realized its Saturday. Saturday is the day that I would switch to the next week of pregnancy. I would have been 38 weeks pregnant today with my sweet baby Jonathan. I would be waddling around all huge and round, having a hard time standing up from the couch and a hard time getting back down once I had finally gotten up. I would be so tired and yet still unable to sleep because no matter how hard you try there is no comfortable position when you have an a$$ the size of Texas and a small whale in your belly. Oh and that is not to mention how often you get up to pee. By the time you lie back down you realize you have to pee again (hey Erin you there yet?! :o)

I would be pulling up my shirt to show Grayson his baby brother and so he could kiss and talk to his baby. All of which he still does sometimes by the way. Today as a matter of fact. Today he pulled up my shirt and asked about the baby. When I told him our baby was an angel and gone he said oh. And pulled up his own shirt to ask about that baby, I told him neither of us has a baby in their belly right now (I will save the no babies in his belly talk for later. :) he said oh again and went back to his train table.

Anyway, I would be 38 weeks pregnant today. I still feel pregnant sometimes. When I first heard the term phantom kicks I thought people were crazy until I felt them. Every once in a while I will feel like my ribs or stomach is being "pushed" out of the way by someone so small and yet so demanding of space. It seems like an eternity since I felt them for real and I can't wait to feel a baby in there again and yet... I don't if I ever will really be ready to be pregnant again.

Eventually, Someday, I hope to announce that we are expecting a perfectly healthy baby, until then I will look at my little boy and smile because he is perfect just as he is. I love you sweet baby Jonathan!

1 comment:

eireann said...

i am already uncomfortable sleeping! it seems every time i wake up i have to pee, and there seems to be a heavy football in my belly whenever i roll from one side to the other. mondays are our "change" days when we move ahead another week.

i am not sure i am ready to be a mom yet and i don't know if i ever will be. i was thinking last night about how scary going home from the hospital will be, without doctors and nurses to make sure i don't accidentally ruin my baby, and i thought about what you said about how i was made for this and i will be fine and a great mom. i think the same is true for you. you may never be ready to be pregnant again, but your heart and spirit and body were made for this, and you and zach will get to make that announcement again.