BUT! All is well. Thank you if you are still reading my cobwebbed sporadic postings. I wanted to come back briefly and let you know that the baby is fine! All of our numbers came back good on the AFP test. 1/26000 for neural tube defects (Anencephaly), 1/25000 for trisomies and downs. (or something like that.) All within normal range. To put it in perspective, Jonathan's numbers were 1/5. that is the highest they give for any given abnormality because it could be a false positive.
We had a higher level ultra sound the day after our tests came back to confirm the diagnosis which was great to see our sweet little baby and HIS very round little head.
And yes, you read that right. It is another boy. Apparently, there are NOT girl sperm to be had and there will probably not be any girls in our family other than me! Though I did reserve the right to have one more child, I am resigned to it being a sweet little boy too.
So that is the news. All good. Thanks for reading.
The Chronicles of a Wife, Mom of 4 boys and Type 1 diabetes warrior.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Overwhelmed
I feel lost.
There it is.
Maybe it is coming from all the emotions from taking the test today that will tell me if or Not that this baby is okay and does not have a neural tube defect like our sweet angel baby Jonathan. I hate that test and I love that test. It is the test I took that initially told us that Jonathan would not live, that the sweet baby I felt kicking inside me would die with in minutes of birth. I was his only source of life. I love that test and it's ability to tell me in advance, sparing me such anguish when I don't bring home a healthy child as I would have expected otherwise. I loath it because it tells me such horrible things.
That day will never leave my mind. I think a part of me was naive until that day. I took that test without a care for the results. It never even crossed my mind that it could come back as something other than fine. That doesn't happen to people like you and me.
I hope in the next few days to know again, as I did with Jaxon that all is well and baby is fine.
I will report back and maybe feel a little less lost.
This too shall pass right?
There it is.
Maybe it is coming from all the emotions from taking the test today that will tell me if or Not that this baby is okay and does not have a neural tube defect like our sweet angel baby Jonathan. I hate that test and I love that test. It is the test I took that initially told us that Jonathan would not live, that the sweet baby I felt kicking inside me would die with in minutes of birth. I was his only source of life. I love that test and it's ability to tell me in advance, sparing me such anguish when I don't bring home a healthy child as I would have expected otherwise. I loath it because it tells me such horrible things.
That day will never leave my mind. I think a part of me was naive until that day. I took that test without a care for the results. It never even crossed my mind that it could come back as something other than fine. That doesn't happen to people like you and me.
I hope in the next few days to know again, as I did with Jaxon that all is well and baby is fine.
I will report back and maybe feel a little less lost.
This too shall pass right?
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Ooops
It seems with my day to day life getting in the way of this here blog I am forgetting to update the few followers I have left on the goings on that might matter a bit. :)
We found out December 24, that we are expecting again. I am hoping for a girl, obviously, and since I am 10 weeks tomorrow and still not the slightest bit sick I have a suspicion it might be! (Well, if there are any girl sperm to be had from that man anyway, he doesn't seem to be so good at that so far!) SO ya, there you have it. I am pregnant! Due date is officially Aug 31 but knowing my children s/he will be a September child, which would make her either a Virgo or a Leo depending on if you go by the "new" or old zodiac signs.
STUPID I tell you, that is what that is. Whatever, I don't pretend to be smarter than those scientists but really? Come on, it's like all of a sudden saying Pluto isn't a planet, does anyone not say Pluto when they say the planets? Whatever.
Anyway, this time around I am not nearly as stressed out. I hardly have time to be, those boys of mine are keeping me quite busy. Jax just turned one on the 16th and Gray turned 4 on the 13th. We were in California. Jax is having his party this weekend, a slight delay from last week when we were all dying of the flu. Joy. Gray will have a 1/2 birthday party again at his request.
So thanks to the "5" of you who still read. That is what is new, I would love to update more and plan on it just don't know when... cross your fingers.
We found out December 24, that we are expecting again. I am hoping for a girl, obviously, and since I am 10 weeks tomorrow and still not the slightest bit sick I have a suspicion it might be! (Well, if there are any girl sperm to be had from that man anyway, he doesn't seem to be so good at that so far!) SO ya, there you have it. I am pregnant! Due date is officially Aug 31 but knowing my children s/he will be a September child, which would make her either a Virgo or a Leo depending on if you go by the "new" or old zodiac signs.
STUPID I tell you, that is what that is. Whatever, I don't pretend to be smarter than those scientists but really? Come on, it's like all of a sudden saying Pluto isn't a planet, does anyone not say Pluto when they say the planets? Whatever.
Anyway, this time around I am not nearly as stressed out. I hardly have time to be, those boys of mine are keeping me quite busy. Jax just turned one on the 16th and Gray turned 4 on the 13th. We were in California. Jax is having his party this weekend, a slight delay from last week when we were all dying of the flu. Joy. Gray will have a 1/2 birthday party again at his request.
So thanks to the "5" of you who still read. That is what is new, I would love to update more and plan on it just don't know when... cross your fingers.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Playroom redo!
I have been wanting to redo the playroom for sometime, it was just NOT conducive to play the way it was. Unfortunately, I forgot to take before pictures. As usual. :( There was a huge armoir in one corner with things tucked in laundry baskets for organization. Then a big self unit on the wall the toy box is on. It was hard to play, little space and just plain ugly. The boys got quite a bit of money for Christmas and birthday's so it went to this. I love it! Let me know what you think in the comments!
I have the idea that where the cushions will be can also be a stage. It can serve many options the way it is or we can always add more storage later and "build" up.
Thank you to Papa and Grandpa Merchant for helping us make this happen!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
brain block
I don't know what to write. I feel like I should write. But I don't know what to put down. It's like high school/college where that paper is due tomorrow and yet a blank piece of paper sits in front of you. Now everyone uses computers but in school I was still using paper. That was a long time ago.
This post really sucks and honestly, if you are still reading, I'm sorry. :)
Tomorrow we leave for San Diego for a bit. It should be fun, we are really looking forward to it. We have not taken a vacation in what seems like forever. I am procrastinating. I should be finishing the Christmas gifts for the family down there. I should be finishing packing. I should be cleaning the house so I come home to a decent looking mess rather than a trash heap we usually come home to but here I am procrastinating. And sadly, not even doing it well.
So off I go and I hope to have some stuff to post soon and maybe an end to the brain block and time crunch I seem to be experiencing lately. Thanks for hanging with me my faithful 25 followers.
This post really sucks and honestly, if you are still reading, I'm sorry. :)
Tomorrow we leave for San Diego for a bit. It should be fun, we are really looking forward to it. We have not taken a vacation in what seems like forever. I am procrastinating. I should be finishing the Christmas gifts for the family down there. I should be finishing packing. I should be cleaning the house so I come home to a decent looking mess rather than a trash heap we usually come home to but here I am procrastinating. And sadly, not even doing it well.
So off I go and I hope to have some stuff to post soon and maybe an end to the brain block and time crunch I seem to be experiencing lately. Thanks for hanging with me my faithful 25 followers.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Merry Christmas!!
You know it's been far too long since you posted when your URL bar has no idea what you want when you start typing and your user name and password are no longer saved. Sorry. If a little blog could collect cobwebs this one would be for sure! So let me blow off the dust and take a second to gather my thoughts....
pardon my morning hair
ah yes, that's better. How is this holiday season treating you?! We are well. I am SO happy to be able to say that. We honestly have not had any major sicknesses and we are actually doing fairly well financially too this year. I am not working at T, and that is something to be Thankful for!
I discovered the joy of Amazon Prime this year. Prime entitles it's subscribers to free two day shipping on anything Prime eligible, which is most everything Amazon sells directly. I have done ALL of the shopping on their. The best part is I got prime for free! I signed up for the amazon mom club which gets you discounts and such and Prime for free for 3 months. Every $25 you spend in the baby store you get an additional month, up to a year free. I am up to March. I know this is not the most helpful post since it comes the week before Christmas and I am sorry for that. Also, you don't have to be a mom, anyone who is in the presence of children and would buy from the baby store (clothes toys, diapers etc) can sign up.
Anyway, we are mostly the same as the last time I posted something of value. Zack is working a ton. He has been traveling 2-4 days a week for the last 5-6 weeks. It makes for a long week for everyone involved and Jaxon has started to think Dada lives in the phone since when it rings he calls it Dada and gets very excited! But I think that is done for a while. There was some job restructuring at work and the person who was traveling wasn't anymore. It won't be in Zack's permanent job description we don't think... we hope.
When he is home on the weekends we have been trying to pack in as much as possible. I will try to get to that stuff soon. This month of travel has just slammed me. Noone to help with anything makes for a very tired mama at the end of the day.
I have been working in the classroom for G a lot. He loves it. We really love the school. I can't say enough about Teacher P and her way of doing things and I expand my parenting tool belt every time I am in her presence. I am so glad I made that choice. Jaxon on the other hand is not so happy to be away from me. He has just turned 11 months (HOLY cow how did that happen!?!) and is pretty much in the thick of separation anxiety. He screams most of the time I am gone at preschool. :( Not sure if he isn't digging the situation or that he isn't home or if it's simply that I am not there but I am going to play with it and switch caregivers/ locations (Grandma/Nonny and our house) and see if anything changes.
Grayson is loving school and asks every single day if it is a school day. The next 2 weeks are going to be interesting. Hopefully we will get together with some of our school friends over break.
He is learning so much. Teacher P just charms them all. One of our favorite new catch phrases that we learned at school is "friends help/love/? friends" it helps him to think less of himself and more of the other person but with out so many words. It works well for brothers too. I use it a lot. Teacher P is full of them! And everything is sung. Did you know that you could be saying the WORST thing and if it is sung it takes the edge off and makes it so much less threatening? Child doesn't want to clean up and move on... sing it! I have always used that because I learned it as a nanny but it's a lovely refresher.
Jaxon is getting big and learning something new every day. This week was how to take off his diaper. more than once I would see a naked bum streak by and then this on the floor not so far away.
Oy. I guess I need to get on that diaper stash I have to make, his diapers are on their last legs. I have already thrown out 12 that have been in rotation for almost 4 years, and most of them were hand-me-downs. I just dread making that many diapers again. It's daunting. But I have wayyy-too-many-yards of fabric stating the obvious... I gotta get on it.
Next month we fly to San Diego for a week. We will be there for the boys birthdays. We are all very excited to see everyone. Grayson can't wait to fly on a place. We are flying in super late on Friday night, but it was over $200 cheaper than Sat morning. I am hoping they sleep instead of scream the whole flight!
Anyway, I hope this post finds you well this holiday season and thanks for still reading, as sporadic as it may be. :)
pardon my morning hair ah yes, that's better. How is this holiday season treating you?! We are well. I am SO happy to be able to say that. We honestly have not had any major sicknesses and we are actually doing fairly well financially too this year. I am not working at T, and that is something to be Thankful for!
I discovered the joy of Amazon Prime this year. Prime entitles it's subscribers to free two day shipping on anything Prime eligible, which is most everything Amazon sells directly. I have done ALL of the shopping on their. The best part is I got prime for free! I signed up for the amazon mom club which gets you discounts and such and Prime for free for 3 months. Every $25 you spend in the baby store you get an additional month, up to a year free. I am up to March. I know this is not the most helpful post since it comes the week before Christmas and I am sorry for that. Also, you don't have to be a mom, anyone who is in the presence of children and would buy from the baby store (clothes toys, diapers etc) can sign up.
Anyway, we are mostly the same as the last time I posted something of value. Zack is working a ton. He has been traveling 2-4 days a week for the last 5-6 weeks. It makes for a long week for everyone involved and Jaxon has started to think Dada lives in the phone since when it rings he calls it Dada and gets very excited! But I think that is done for a while. There was some job restructuring at work and the person who was traveling wasn't anymore. It won't be in Zack's permanent job description we don't think... we hope.
When he is home on the weekends we have been trying to pack in as much as possible. I will try to get to that stuff soon. This month of travel has just slammed me. Noone to help with anything makes for a very tired mama at the end of the day.
I have been working in the classroom for G a lot. He loves it. We really love the school. I can't say enough about Teacher P and her way of doing things and I expand my parenting tool belt every time I am in her presence. I am so glad I made that choice. Jaxon on the other hand is not so happy to be away from me. He has just turned 11 months (HOLY cow how did that happen!?!) and is pretty much in the thick of separation anxiety. He screams most of the time I am gone at preschool. :( Not sure if he isn't digging the situation or that he isn't home or if it's simply that I am not there but I am going to play with it and switch caregivers/ locations (Grandma/Nonny and our house) and see if anything changes.
Grayson is loving school and asks every single day if it is a school day. The next 2 weeks are going to be interesting. Hopefully we will get together with some of our school friends over break.
He is learning so much. Teacher P just charms them all. One of our favorite new catch phrases that we learned at school is "friends help/love/? friends" it helps him to think less of himself and more of the other person but with out so many words. It works well for brothers too. I use it a lot. Teacher P is full of them! And everything is sung. Did you know that you could be saying the WORST thing and if it is sung it takes the edge off and makes it so much less threatening? Child doesn't want to clean up and move on... sing it! I have always used that because I learned it as a nanny but it's a lovely refresher.
Jaxon is getting big and learning something new every day. This week was how to take off his diaper. more than once I would see a naked bum streak by and then this on the floor not so far away.
Oy. I guess I need to get on that diaper stash I have to make, his diapers are on their last legs. I have already thrown out 12 that have been in rotation for almost 4 years, and most of them were hand-me-downs. I just dread making that many diapers again. It's daunting. But I have wayyy-too-many-yards of fabric stating the obvious... I gotta get on it.Next month we fly to San Diego for a week. We will be there for the boys birthdays. We are all very excited to see everyone. Grayson can't wait to fly on a place. We are flying in super late on Friday night, but it was over $200 cheaper than Sat morning. I am hoping they sleep instead of scream the whole flight!
Anyway, I hope this post finds you well this holiday season and thanks for still reading, as sporadic as it may be. :)
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Thankful Thursday!
Hey! Guess what?! I JUST remembered that thing I used to do, Thankful Thursday, remember? I can't really remember the last time I did it... pre Jax maybe? Ah, here it is. I guess my little brain just couldn't hold onto Thankful Thursday's when Jax was about to come. And after, forget-about-it.
Well, my brain is clearing and I have a new-to-me Lappy. (Thank YOU!) Life is good!
Today I am Thankful for:
1. Zack having a job. If you have read this little blog a while you understand.
2. New-to-me Lappy. Dino is unhappy and old and groany. This makes life easier. Again, THANK YOU!
3. That Jax is adjusting to his cast and can now crawl (army) and get back up when he falls over and even pull himself up on the ottoman. The pediatrician says he is fine to do whatever he is able while he is casted.
4. Our new pediatrician. We were forced into "looking" for a new ped when our beloved ped retired. One of the boys needed to see someone for something and I said we would just see whoever was available, we met Dr. V and LOVE her. She is through and kind and friendly. Oh and she likes the kids too. :) She called us personally today, TWICE to answer questions I had about J's cast/break.
5. Having my mom here. I never thought I would say it. She came over today to help me out and play with the boys so I could get some cleaning done. Jax has been quite the cling on since his break. She tidied up while she and Grayson played and Jax took an extra long nap. It was great not to have a trashed house for a few minutes.
Well, my brain is clearing and I have a new-to-me Lappy. (Thank YOU!) Life is good!
Today I am Thankful for:
1. Zack having a job. If you have read this little blog a while you understand.
2. New-to-me Lappy. Dino is unhappy and old and groany. This makes life easier. Again, THANK YOU!
3. That Jax is adjusting to his cast and can now crawl (army) and get back up when he falls over and even pull himself up on the ottoman. The pediatrician says he is fine to do whatever he is able while he is casted.
4. Our new pediatrician. We were forced into "looking" for a new ped when our beloved ped retired. One of the boys needed to see someone for something and I said we would just see whoever was available, we met Dr. V and LOVE her. She is through and kind and friendly. Oh and she likes the kids too. :) She called us personally today, TWICE to answer questions I had about J's cast/break.
5. Having my mom here. I never thought I would say it. She came over today to help me out and play with the boys so I could get some cleaning done. Jax has been quite the cling on since his break. She tidied up while she and Grayson played and Jax took an extra long nap. It was great not to have a trashed house for a few minutes.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Laws of Motion
What is Newton's 3rd law of motion? For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. So basically when I made the appointment for a family photo session with Elle for last Sunday I should have seen it coming. I mean who hasn't seen the kid with the black eye or the cut on the face only to have their mother turn and say "yup, school pictures this week. Figures!"
I should have seen to coming!
Saturday when we were hanging out at home after I had slept in a bit (yum) and Jax was playing on my lap in the recliner. He would hang over the left arm and pull himself back up. Over and over. The last time he did it he pushed with his feet with all his might. I had an arm over his back for support but it wasn't enough. I tried to catch him with my right hand but his little foot slipped through.
My baby fell on his head. :( Worst. Mommy. Ever.
I scooped him up. He was crying pretty hard. I tried to access this situation, looking for blood and bumps. Nothing. He had no raising lumpies to speak of.
After a few more minutes of comforts and love he was done with me. I set him down on the floor by the slide (yes we have one in the family room) and tried to get him to crawl up. He cried. So I helped him do down. He laughed and had fun doing that a few times. Then I offered for him to try again. He tried to crawl and he just fell over and cried.
I thought maybe his equilibrium was off, being that he just smacked his head on the floor. More snuggles. A bit later he tried to crawl again with the same result. At this point it was about 5 minutes from the fall and I looked at Zack.
"I think it's broken. His arm. I think we need to take him in now"
He wanted to wait a bit and see if he felt better in a few minutes, but I knew. Something was wrong. I gathered us all together and headed for Urgent Care. $40, 2 Xrays and 1 screaming-held-down-looking-at-me-like-HOW-COULD-YOU-MAMA baby later and it was confirmed.
Broken Wrist. Both bones. Our best guess is he had his hands down when he fell and "caught" himself with his hand. It was tiny and hard to see on the Xray and our photo is even worse so I will spare you. He is in a temporary cast for at least a week (though our apt for a real cast is the 11th- does that seem too FAR to anyone else? They said they would see us again this week but then the apt person called she said they wanted to see me NEXT week. Almost 2 weeks after the break...)
I feel horrible. Poor little guy!
He can't crawl, though he tries to arm crawl sometimes. Mostly he just gets annoyed because he loses his balance and falls over and can't get up on his own. Luckily, he doesn't seem to be in any pain. He has been quite the trooper through it all. Now to get a cast to look 'cool' for those family photos I have to reschedule.
I shoulda seen it comin'
I should have seen to coming!
Saturday when we were hanging out at home after I had slept in a bit (yum) and Jax was playing on my lap in the recliner. He would hang over the left arm and pull himself back up. Over and over. The last time he did it he pushed with his feet with all his might. I had an arm over his back for support but it wasn't enough. I tried to catch him with my right hand but his little foot slipped through.
My baby fell on his head. :( Worst. Mommy. Ever.
I scooped him up. He was crying pretty hard. I tried to access this situation, looking for blood and bumps. Nothing. He had no raising lumpies to speak of.
After a few more minutes of comforts and love he was done with me. I set him down on the floor by the slide (yes we have one in the family room) and tried to get him to crawl up. He cried. So I helped him do down. He laughed and had fun doing that a few times. Then I offered for him to try again. He tried to crawl and he just fell over and cried.
I thought maybe his equilibrium was off, being that he just smacked his head on the floor. More snuggles. A bit later he tried to crawl again with the same result. At this point it was about 5 minutes from the fall and I looked at Zack.
"I think it's broken. His arm. I think we need to take him in now"
He wanted to wait a bit and see if he felt better in a few minutes, but I knew. Something was wrong. I gathered us all together and headed for Urgent Care. $40, 2 Xrays and 1 screaming-held-down-looking-at-me-like-HOW-COULD-YOU-MAMA baby later and it was confirmed.
Broken Wrist. Both bones. Our best guess is he had his hands down when he fell and "caught" himself with his hand. It was tiny and hard to see on the Xray and our photo is even worse so I will spare you. He is in a temporary cast for at least a week (though our apt for a real cast is the 11th- does that seem too FAR to anyone else? They said they would see us again this week but then the apt person called she said they wanted to see me NEXT week. Almost 2 weeks after the break...)
I feel horrible. Poor little guy!
He can't crawl, though he tries to arm crawl sometimes. Mostly he just gets annoyed because he loses his balance and falls over and can't get up on his own. Luckily, he doesn't seem to be in any pain. He has been quite the trooper through it all. Now to get a cast to look 'cool' for those family photos I have to reschedule.
I shoulda seen it comin'
Friday, October 29, 2010
9 months!!
Jaxon Ryan
~stats~
weight: 21 lb 12 oz (66%)
height: 2' 7.5" (99%)
head: 18.5" (89%)
He seems to be falling down the charts for weight, just like his brother did. My family tends to breed skinny little beans. Apparently our children will not be left out. His last stats can be seen here. And the ones before here. And here.
Loves:
milk
playing with Grayson
clapping (learned yesterday)
milk
anything edible, and even some stuff that shouldn't be
laughing
snuggling
sleeping on his tummy
milk
crawling
being "independent"
being carried in the Ergo
Dislikes:
loud noises
being sat on or tossed around by G
being cold
the stroller
being kept from a nap
9 month shoot with Elle
weight: 21 lb 12 oz (66%)
height: 2' 7.5" (99%)
head: 18.5" (89%)
He seems to be falling down the charts for weight, just like his brother did. My family tends to breed skinny little beans. Apparently our children will not be left out. His last stats can be seen here. And the ones before here. And here.
Loves:
milk
playing with Grayson
clapping (learned yesterday)
milk
anything edible, and even some stuff that shouldn't be
laughing
snuggling
sleeping on his tummy
milk
crawling
being "independent"
being carried in the Ergo
Dislikes:
loud noises
being sat on or tossed around by G
being cold
the stroller
being kept from a nap
9 month shoot with Elle
PILA Month day 29
Day 29 - hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days
I have learned in the last few years when planning for the future, hope for the best, plan for the worst and enjoy the ride because that is the best you can do. There are no guarantees, just now.
I guess my short term goal is to be the best mother and wife I can be. I know I have a lot of room for improvement in both areas and work daily to do better.
In the next year I would like to (in no order):
1. make our back yard less of an eye sore
2. make and put drapes in our formal living room and dining room
3. get pregnant
4. work things for my etsy site
5. work on the children's scrapbooks
I have learned in the last few years when planning for the future, hope for the best, plan for the worst and enjoy the ride because that is the best you can do. There are no guarantees, just now.
I guess my short term goal is to be the best mother and wife I can be. I know I have a lot of room for improvement in both areas and work daily to do better.
In the next year I would like to (in no order):
1. make our back yard less of an eye sore
2. make and put drapes in our formal living room and dining room
3. get pregnant
4. work things for my etsy site
5. work on the children's scrapbooks
Thursday, October 28, 2010
PILA Month day 28
Day 28 - what's in your handbag/purse
Wallet
keys
a ton of loose receipts
female products... just in case
a few loose candies from the movies the other night
a chapstick
2 lipsticks
camera
old checkbook
coupons
lotion and
a few granola bars
Wallet
keys
a ton of loose receipts
female products... just in case
a few loose candies from the movies the other night
a chapstick
2 lipsticks
camera
old checkbook
coupons
lotion and
a few granola bars
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
PILA Month day 27
Day 27 - your worst habit since your child's death
My worst habit has become letting too much time pass between contact with the people I care about while I hide under a rock. Whether it be a neighbor I enjoy chatting with or a family member I miss and wish I got to chat with more, excuses seem pleantiful since we found out about Jonathan. I don't know if it was THAT phone call that did it in for the phone conversations or what but since then I would prefer almost any form of communication that the phone.
I am finding it easier to get out and about as time passes. When I was still pregnant with Jonathan I wanted nothing to do with life outside my house. People would ask me about my pregnancy. "Is it your first" No. "Are you so excited?!"... at which point I was faced with a) dump the whole pile of stinky shit on their feet... NO! MY CHILD IS GOING TO DIE! b) lie and say Yup! Sure am! Meanwhile I am dying inside. or c) avoid. avoid. avoid.
I avoided. It was hard to recover from that habit, but I am trying. If you haven't heard from me in a while know that it is not personal, I am working on it and in the meantime, pick up the phone and CALL ME!!
My worst habit has become letting too much time pass between contact with the people I care about while I hide under a rock. Whether it be a neighbor I enjoy chatting with or a family member I miss and wish I got to chat with more, excuses seem pleantiful since we found out about Jonathan. I don't know if it was THAT phone call that did it in for the phone conversations or what but since then I would prefer almost any form of communication that the phone.
I am finding it easier to get out and about as time passes. When I was still pregnant with Jonathan I wanted nothing to do with life outside my house. People would ask me about my pregnancy. "Is it your first" No. "Are you so excited?!"... at which point I was faced with a) dump the whole pile of stinky shit on their feet... NO! MY CHILD IS GOING TO DIE! b) lie and say Yup! Sure am! Meanwhile I am dying inside. or c) avoid. avoid. avoid.
I avoided. It was hard to recover from that habit, but I am trying. If you haven't heard from me in a while know that it is not personal, I am working on it and in the meantime, pick up the phone and CALL ME!!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
PILA Month day 26
Day 26 - your week, in great detail
Ooooh! This should be fun.... or not. :)
Yesterday Sunday: wake early (630) with Jax after having already been up twice, not that I am complaining, feed, play. 930-130 work the children's consignment sale so I could shop at the presale last week. Supposed to have family pics but we got rained out. Head home to clean and play with the boys. 630/7 boys to bed. Start evening projects: working on cloth diaper gift baskets for the preschool auction. (email me at jsbuquet@gmail.com if you are interested in coming or bidding on anything! It helps keep our school running) I offered to make 3! baskets with 2 cloth diapers, 10 wipes, a wetbag and a gift certificate for 2 more diapers.
Me to bed, 1130/12.
Jax is up 3x in the night/morning, 10, 4, 6. He might be working on more teethers....
Monday: wake with the kiddos 730. Coffee!!, feed, eat, coffee! Preschool 9-12. Errands, Jax nap and work on diapers while asleep. Pick up G. Help auction chair get a glass table top donation to her home, my car is bigger. Lunch at home. G work on art projects while I attempt to get Jax down for a nap. Make dinner in the crock pot. Cloth diaper party 3-5 (like a tupperware home party but cloth diapers.) Home, feed/eat. Zack home play with kiddos. 630/7 boys to bed. Clean kitchen. Mom calls to remind me I said I would pick up a desk she bought and drop it off. (forgot!) Stop by $ tree to get baskets for diapers and find out debit card I activated today doesn't work. grrrr.
Home to work on diapers and folding my own so my baby has a clean bum tomorrow. Diapers finished except for snaps on the tabs! YAY!
bed tonight 12.
Tuesday plan: wake, eat, COFFEE! 10-11 Boob group for bf advice and Halloween party. 1130 Jax has his 9 month apt. After that: lunch, play, attempt to clean something (it's a bit like trying to shovel snow while it's still snowing.) Make dinner, play, clean something. 7-9 parent teacher training for preschool. Wish on stars as I leave that Jax is semi kind to his father and doesn't scream too long while I am gone. Come home, put snaps on diapers. Make two wet bags.
Bed hopefully by 11.
Wednesday: preschool 9-12. Nothing else planned which really means there is a LOT of room for chaos. :) Get home and work on wipes for diaper baskets.
Thursday: 930 meet with friends for walk at the library if it isn't pouring. 11 library to swap out books. Possibly out of this world pizza for lunch. pm: work on diaper baskets etc.
Friday: Diaper baskets DUE! Hopefully they are finished. preschool 9-12. Trick or treating at the mall 3-5. Harvest party 6-9
Saturday: attempt failed photos at 130. Halloween party with kids 4-530. Halloween party sans kids 6-...
Sunday: neighbors get together for games and spooky fun then trick or treating around 5? 630-930 harvest party at another friends church.
Somewhere in there I plan to feed us all, bath us all and clean things... though judging from the usual laundry mountain (which is DONE right now!!) I usually suck at that by about mid week. Happy Halloween week!
Ooooh! This should be fun.... or not. :)
Yesterday Sunday: wake early (630) with Jax after having already been up twice, not that I am complaining, feed, play. 930-130 work the children's consignment sale so I could shop at the presale last week. Supposed to have family pics but we got rained out. Head home to clean and play with the boys. 630/7 boys to bed. Start evening projects: working on cloth diaper gift baskets for the preschool auction. (email me at jsbuquet@gmail.com if you are interested in coming or bidding on anything! It helps keep our school running) I offered to make 3! baskets with 2 cloth diapers, 10 wipes, a wetbag and a gift certificate for 2 more diapers.
Me to bed, 1130/12.
Jax is up 3x in the night/morning, 10, 4, 6. He might be working on more teethers....
Monday: wake with the kiddos 730. Coffee!!, feed, eat, coffee! Preschool 9-12. Errands, Jax nap and work on diapers while asleep. Pick up G. Help auction chair get a glass table top donation to her home, my car is bigger. Lunch at home. G work on art projects while I attempt to get Jax down for a nap. Make dinner in the crock pot. Cloth diaper party 3-5 (like a tupperware home party but cloth diapers.) Home, feed/eat. Zack home play with kiddos. 630/7 boys to bed. Clean kitchen. Mom calls to remind me I said I would pick up a desk she bought and drop it off. (forgot!) Stop by $ tree to get baskets for diapers and find out debit card I activated today doesn't work. grrrr.
Home to work on diapers and folding my own so my baby has a clean bum tomorrow. Diapers finished except for snaps on the tabs! YAY!
bed tonight 12.
Tuesday plan: wake, eat, COFFEE! 10-11 Boob group for bf advice and Halloween party. 1130 Jax has his 9 month apt. After that: lunch, play, attempt to clean something (it's a bit like trying to shovel snow while it's still snowing.) Make dinner, play, clean something. 7-9 parent teacher training for preschool. Wish on stars as I leave that Jax is semi kind to his father and doesn't scream too long while I am gone. Come home, put snaps on diapers. Make two wet bags.
Bed hopefully by 11.
Wednesday: preschool 9-12. Nothing else planned which really means there is a LOT of room for chaos. :) Get home and work on wipes for diaper baskets.
Thursday: 930 meet with friends for walk at the library if it isn't pouring. 11 library to swap out books. Possibly out of this world pizza for lunch. pm: work on diaper baskets etc.
Friday: Diaper baskets DUE! Hopefully they are finished. preschool 9-12. Trick or treating at the mall 3-5. Harvest party 6-9
Saturday: attempt failed photos at 130. Halloween party with kids 4-530. Halloween party sans kids 6-...
Sunday: neighbors get together for games and spooky fun then trick or treating around 5? 630-930 harvest party at another friends church.
Somewhere in there I plan to feed us all, bath us all and clean things... though judging from the usual laundry mountain (which is DONE right now!!) I usually suck at that by about mid week. Happy Halloween week!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
PILA Month day 22
Day 22 - a website that has been meaningful since your loss.
www.nowIlaymedowntosleep.org
is a wonderful website devoted to people who have lost their infant or any number of tragedies. There is information on just about everything and a forum for grieving parents to talk to other grieving parents and try to make sense of it all. I met many wonderful people in there who were very helpful and kind and loving while we were on our journey with Jonathan. I don't really frequent it anymore but I highly recommend it to anyone who is faced with the death of an infant or child and is looking for a place to reach out to. If they don't have the answer they can at least point you in a direction.
www.nowIlaymedowntosleep.orgThursday, October 21, 2010
PILA Month day 21
Day 21 - a recipe.
Like a thousand years ago I nannied for a family where both parents worked full time. I was more of a house manager as I made sure the house ran smoothly by hiring workers and cleaners and doing all the groceries and dry cleaning etc. I also cooked for the family most nights. I got this recipe from the mom. We are not friends anymore, sadly. I really liked her in the beginning. It went south after we got too close and I had opinions of my own. (NOTE to nannies: Your boss is NOT your friend. It almost NEVER works out)
Anyway, she used to make this recipe and ask me to as well. Since I can't ask her for it now I found a similar one online and here it is.
Jarlsberg Chicken
Like a thousand years ago I nannied for a family where both parents worked full time. I was more of a house manager as I made sure the house ran smoothly by hiring workers and cleaners and doing all the groceries and dry cleaning etc. I also cooked for the family most nights. I got this recipe from the mom. We are not friends anymore, sadly. I really liked her in the beginning. It went south after we got too close and I had opinions of my own. (NOTE to nannies: Your boss is NOT your friend. It almost NEVER works out)
Anyway, she used to make this recipe and ask me to as well. Since I can't ask her for it now I found a similar one online and here it is.
Jarlsberg Chicken
- 4 whole boneless chicken breasts (8 breast halves)
- 8 slices jarlsberg cheese
- 1 (10 1/2 ounce) can cream of mushroom soup
- 1/2 cup white wine
- 1/8 teaspoon black pepper
- 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
- 1 1/2 cups breadcrumbs
- 1/4 cup butter, melted
- 1/2 lb asparagus, washed and trimmed (optional)
Directions:
Prep Time: 15 mins
Total Time: 50 mins
- 1 Place chicken in baking dish.
- 2 Layer cheese on top.
- 3 Add asparagus, if desired.
- 4 Mix the soup, wine, garlic, and pepper.
- 5 Spread over chicken and cheese.
- 6 Top with bread crumbs and lastly drizzle with melted butter.
- 7 Bake at 350 degrees for 35 to 50 minutes (until chicken is done through).
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
PILA Month day 20
Day 20 - a hobby of yours and how it changed since your loss.
oops maybe I should finish this here blog post instead of just having it scheduled with nothing in it...
I used to scrapbook. I love it. LoveD is more correct I guess. I started doing quicker versions of what I do when I was in high school and went on a cross country trip with my grandma. I had all these photos and the big idea to do a huge album with them and all the momentos I picked up along with way.
I never finished it.
Others did get finished however. An album for my charges I used to care for, various years of Zack's and my life together. Our wedding album.
I was doing pretty good at keeping up with the scrapbook of our daily lives until Grayson came along. I got a little sidetracked with his album that I wanted to be his first two years of life. I got about 9 months in and got a little sidetracked again. Our family album has not been touched since I was pregnant with G.
I went to craft night with some friends last night and realized as I worked on Grayson's album that I may be avoiding my albums. If I finish G's album I have Jaxon's and well at some point I have Jonathan's. That one is painful to remember. It is hard enough to look back at my blog and read what I was going through but to put it on paper (which takes WAY longer) and make it a hard copy, well, I just don't think I am ready.
Losing a child changes who you are. It changes your thinking and it changes you in ways you may never know until they pop up sometime later. Like this. Who knew it would affect my scrapbooking? But it has.
oops maybe I should finish this here blog post instead of just having it scheduled with nothing in it...
I used to scrapbook. I love it. LoveD is more correct I guess. I started doing quicker versions of what I do when I was in high school and went on a cross country trip with my grandma. I had all these photos and the big idea to do a huge album with them and all the momentos I picked up along with way.
I never finished it.
Others did get finished however. An album for my charges I used to care for, various years of Zack's and my life together. Our wedding album.
I was doing pretty good at keeping up with the scrapbook of our daily lives until Grayson came along. I got a little sidetracked with his album that I wanted to be his first two years of life. I got about 9 months in and got a little sidetracked again. Our family album has not been touched since I was pregnant with G.
I went to craft night with some friends last night and realized as I worked on Grayson's album that I may be avoiding my albums. If I finish G's album I have Jaxon's and well at some point I have Jonathan's. That one is painful to remember. It is hard enough to look back at my blog and read what I was going through but to put it on paper (which takes WAY longer) and make it a hard copy, well, I just don't think I am ready.
Losing a child changes who you are. It changes your thinking and it changes you in ways you may never know until they pop up sometime later. Like this. Who knew it would affect my scrapbooking? But it has.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
PILA Month day 19
Day 19 - a talent of yours.
I probably have a few running around. Singing? hmmm, nope that's not it. I sound so horrible I scare small children... okay not that bad. I have never made small children cry. Though I was once told "Jaimey, please don't sing" When I was singing in the car with my charges once. I think that might have been more about my hogging the song than my actual voice though. Either way.
Singing is NOT my talent.
Organization? Have you seen laundry mountain? Nuff said. It's actually HIGHer today.
Sewing! Yes, I think that is the one I want to claim. Here is this post, I just posted last night but wrote in April. ooops. Though I don't know if it's talent more than a passion and a genetic probability given my mom and grandma and many of my aunts sew.
a cloth diaper order I did recently for a friend
burpies and a boopy cover for Amelia
I probably have a few running around. Singing? hmmm, nope that's not it. I sound so horrible I scare small children... okay not that bad. I have never made small children cry. Though I was once told "Jaimey, please don't sing" When I was singing in the car with my charges once. I think that might have been more about my hogging the song than my actual voice though. Either way.
Singing is NOT my talent.
Organization? Have you seen laundry mountain? Nuff said. It's actually HIGHer today.
Sewing! Yes, I think that is the one I want to claim. Here is this post, I just posted last night but wrote in April. ooops. Though I don't know if it's talent more than a passion and a genetic probability given my mom and grandma and many of my aunts sew.
a cloth diaper order I did recently for a friend
burpies and a boopy cover for Amelia
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