Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Baby oh baby 1 of 2

I am sitting in my car at the dr's office 30 minutes early because I am cronicly early.

And I am sobbing my head off.

We are supposed to find out our 3rd babies gender in only minutes and all I can think of is Jonathan.

1 year ago I was finding out my baby boys gender and diagnosis/ death sentence all in one fal swoop. Part me can't help but feel like it's going to happen again. I'm going to walk in and lose another child in one apointment.

I know it's not logical, and I have tests and pictures to prove to myself and yet...

I have not been able to bond really with this baby. It's so hard to make myself feel like it's really going to happen this time. I have bought only 1 new baby outfit, and it was at Goodwill and last week.

Wish me luck. Time to face my fears.


Anonymous said...

Good Luck!! I'll be thinking of you and your little one.


eireann said...

oh, jaimey. i'm sending hugs and love and good thoughts to both of you.

and then... let us know quick what it is, so i can get started on something cute!

Jessika said...

I think your reactions are completely reasonable. You were attached to Jonathan and that attachment was disrupted in a heart-renching manner. You're protecting yourself. I wouldn't feel bad; you have a lifetime of joy with this new baby to become attached to him/her. It will happen.

Let me know if you need a partner in crime for the baby shopping. I'd love to (finally) meet you and spoil your new ___ (boy/girl?) with an outfit. Plus, it'd give me another category of "things to look for when out-and-about", which is always fun. And I'm not having a baby for a while, so might as well swoon over those who do.

Lizzieborden said...

I'm sure everything will be ok. My prayers are with you and Zach and G.