Nausea to Vomiting

I was very hopeful that while I have been SO nauseous it may not have anything come of it. WRONG. I just puked. In my kitchen sink. I have an issue puking in a dirty toilet. I refuse! And my toilets are SO gross right now. I can't stomach cleaning them... its a vicious cycle. So the clean kitchen sink it is.

I have been trying really hard to keep it all down and I have been doing a pretty good job. I take my Zophran every 6 hours and at work I am usually moving so fast I don't have time to focus on being nauseous though it is WAY worse in the evening. I finally had to tell my boss yesterday because I have been having a harder time hanging onto all my cookies at work. I wanted at least someone to know that if I launched them all in an isle or ran for the bathroom that it was all fine. I am still going to try and not tell the rest of the team for a while, realizing of coarse if I start launching all over they are going to catch on fairly quickly.

Anyway, wish me luck that this part of my journey ends fairly quickly. Fingers crossed.

6 weeks, 4 days.

Everybody poops

Reading that title many of you probably just sucked in a little breath and said a little prayer, and right about now are saying a little "NO SHE ISN'T" to yourself... but I am, so if you are too much of a lady (or a man) to talk or read about poop, STOP HERE!

Okay, if anyone is still with me... :)

I am usually a fine pooper. It goes without saying I will poop daily and it will all be comfy and fine. I was recently linked to a blog called Becoming Sarah, by my friend Erin. Sarah is also pregnant and dealing with "issues".

I have always heard it said that pregnancy brings constipation. I always thought "how sad, that sucks" but I have never had to deal with it. Until now. I feel like I need to go, but I get there and nothing or only tiny pellets come out. ALL DAY LONG! It is so frustrating! I JUST WANT TO POOP!

I have been eating dried fruit and fresh fruit in hopes of progressing things a little and it works for a few hours then I am back at square one. A noxious fart* here and there and then nothing.

grrr. Its making for a very grumpy, lumpy bellied Jaimey. As Sarah would say, It feel like I have a stick up my ass or is it a tree trunk!? Gotta love pregnancy!

I bet you are really glad I didn't post pictures, aren't you!?

*if you have never had the pleasure of being pregnant or dealing with someone up close and personal who was pregnant, let me paint a picture for you! Noxious farts are as bad or worse than it implies. When I was pregnant with Grayson I could clear a room with the best of them. One time (or two or twenty) I actually vacated the dog! We were all sitting in our bedroom, Blue on his bed on the floor and I farted. After a few minutes, Zack gasped and ran from the room choking, then Blue looked up...smelled his bum realized it wasn't his brand, signed a little and got up and left. Glaring a little in my direction. Pretty sad when the dog won't be left alone with you!

Thursday Thankful.

Its funny. I was just reading my friends Erin's blog, about all that she is thankful for this week when it dawned on me its THURSDAY! Duh! I have a blog to write!

This week I am Thankful for:

1.) my extended family. Growing up in San Diego when they were mostly up in Oregon I always felt a bit like the odd man out. Then I would come up for summers and its was like I belonged here. It was always a goal in my life to have a tree on my license plate when I grew up.
So now that I am all grown up and moved up here I feel closer to my extended family than ever before. Mostly to my aunts because they are always so kind and loving and I know I can count on them when I need anything. Whether its a listening ear or a serger. They are there and I am thankful!

2.) My hubby! He never fails to amaze me. I have been really tired, sluggish and nauseous lately and have not been up to most of "my" chores. He has been totally taking up the slack, making dinner, cleaning the house, doing laundry. Right now he is putting our sweet cherub to bed so I don't have to lay down with him (I get more vomit-y, kinda like the spins when you are wayyy too intoxicated, just minus the spins)

3.) The ability to sew. I learned partially from my mom, my grandmothers and aunts. But when Zack and I first got married I bought a table runner/ wall hanging
from his step-mom for a ridiculous amount of money and realized as I handed her a check that I could so make that!!! So I called all the quilt shops in my area and ended up taking a class at a great little shop in Fallbrook, CA. I still have that runner though my tastes have changed drastically in the last 8 years! Tons of quilts, cloth diapers, baby outfits, gifts and blankets later and I have never looked back. I love that I can take a pile of fabric and turn it into something special. Its a talent that has lent itself well to me. thank you to all who let me watch, learn and took the time to teach. :)

4.) My sewing machine! It is probably the one thing, that through all of this, if I had to sell it I would fall into a sad long lasting depression. I love it. It sews like a dream, its easy to use and it does everything I could possibly want it to. Its amazing how much it has saved on birthday, baby and christmas gifts! I have made EVERYTHING since I bought it! I have tried to mostly use fabric I had and have turned out some cute stuff! (if I do say so myself!)
5.) maternity pants. That seems sad and silly to say since I am only 6 weeks pregnant. But even though I have not really expanded all that much I am at the lovely phase where I just don't want anything touching my belly. So my normal pants are for the most part very uncomfortable. I also have really cute maternity clothes, while my normal wordrobe is a bit sad and lacking because I still have 15-20 lbs to get back to pre-GRAYSON! (sad) and I didn't want to spend money on a body I hate. Rude of me or it, I'm not sure, but after this baby.... ITS ON! Anyway, today I dug out a pair of elastic (shudder but ahhh) waist capri pants and oh boy are they comfy! Yay elastic!

6 weeks pregnant!

And all I wanna do it barf. blah.
With Grayson's pregnancy I started feeling sick about 6 weeks. With Jonathan it was about 5 1/2 weeks. This pregnancy it was 5 weeks. Seems to be getting earlier and earlier. If that's the case it better finish earlier too! Though that hasn't worked out so far.

I have yet to actually throw up and I was by now with Jonathan's pregnancy. I am very thankful I am not throwing up. I hope it stays away. But the nausea! Oh boy! It's like having the flu or food poisoning! It just comes in massive waves that make moving at all intolerable! Tuesday was a very rough day. I worked 4am- 7am and was nauseous the whole time. I have started keeping lemon heads in my pocket at work, it seems to be the only thing that helps other than moving so fast I can't think about being sick.

So I worked Tuesday morning, came home and went to bed from 730-11am (boy was that lovely!) and then was nauseous the rest of the day! (boy was that not lovely!)

I stayed pretty much on the couch refusing to move for most of the afternoon. Finally in the early evening I remembered the somewhere I had a leftover Rx for an anti-nausea pill (Zophran) that I took with Jonathan. I sent Zack on the mission. Yay! He found it, exactly where it belonged! (How often does that happen?!) I took that and with a while later I was able to move without getting hit by the waves as much. Within an hour I was able to stand up and move. A little while after that to eat.

Wednesday I started the day by taking my little happy no-vomit pill. It worked for a while but by evening I was feeling pretty useless again. So much for the fantastic misnomer of "Morning Sickness." I seem to have overall sickness. Great.

Supposedly the sicker you are the better because it means things are progressing "normally". Well, having been through the ordeal we have with Jonathan, I don't believe that anymore. I knew from almost the second I knew I was pregnant and was SO sick that something was wrong. Everyone said that things were fine, the pregnancy was just different. Maybe they were right, but no longer does different give me piece of mind.

I can't wait until the day I can see my little bean and know he/she is fine.
Chinese calendar says he is a he by the way. We'll see I guess. Supposedly Jonathan was to be a girl according to Chinese Calendar.

Time will tell.
For now, here is what is happening with the Bean.

"Your baby's length is now about 3 to 5 millimeters -- about the size of a peppercorn! The brain is forming three separate parts: the forebrain (memory and reasoning), the midbrain (translates messages from the brain to organs and limbs) and the hindbrain (regulates breathing and muscle movement). At this point the embryo is now three-dimensional and completely enclosed in the amniotic sac.

Your baby's heart is now beating and blood circulation is evident. The kidneys and liver are growing fast, and the neural tube, which connects the brain with the spinal cord, closes.

The placenta is rapidly developing, however, it will not take over hormone production until about week 12"

Comments

Thank you to everyone who came out of the woodwork to comment on my Come out Come out post, I have commented on most of the posts (still working on it) so be sure to pop back over there and see your response. Thanks again friends! We appreciate the support so much!

Also, some have mentioned that they didn't comment because they felt the blog was meant for family and didn't want to intrude! Well, if you are here reading, I count you as family! Comment away. We love the extended family that we are building daily here and love to hear from you.

~Jaimey, Zack, Grayson (and the bean)

A sad End in sight

For months now we have worried what we would do if/when Zack didn't get a job when the biz failed. Well, we passed the 5 month mark of no income and up until that point we were up to date on everything except credit cards. Well Zack has now been unemployed and without an income for 8 months (except for the month he worked at the crappy company that down sized him after a month!) We are now behind on our mortgage, unfortunately. And today we got the notice in certified mail that our house is scheduled to be sold on the courthouse steps on September 15th. That is 4 months.
We talked to a lawyer recently and he said we have 14 days from the time of sale to move. He also said we could still have more time after that, if the sale gets delayed for whatever reason or it does not sell on that date because no one buys it. If it gets sold and we refuse to leave, then we have squatters rights (who knew squatters had rights?!) and can be evicted which can take even longer. Interesting in dead. Not that we want to be squatters, but its another way to drag out the process.

We are obviously still hoping for a miraculous job to pop up which makes it possible to pay the $11k we owe (big mortgage) and keep us on track. Unfortunately that probably will not be the reality in this economy.

Chances are very good that we will be moving out of our house late this summer/early fall into a much smaller place. :( I am very depressed right now. I just want to cry. I love this house. It's my house. We picked every single thing that went into it from the colors on the walls to the cabinets colors and carpets. I love this house, the neighborhood and its area.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

I know its just a thing, but I feel like a little bit of my body is being ripped off of me.

I really just have to ask God or whoever, HOW MUCH MORE ARE WE TO TAKE?! Losing a business, a child a house... really!? Is it possible to go through all that in a year? I never would have answered that with a yes... before.

I know I still have much to be thankful for and I am its just... so frustrating!

Anyone wanna buy a house and rent it to me for a ridiculously cheap price?! :/

I guess the upside is we now know what our time frame is. I hate not knowing anything.

In other news, Target is going okay. I am very tired, mostly because I have not been able to get myself to go to bed before 930 most nights. And its very hard work. My whole body is sore, I have blisters and cuts all over my hands and scrapes up and down my arms from opening so many boxes. I will live and it feels good to be doing something.

I just started feeling a bit nauseous a few days ago and hopefully it will stay at that and I won't throw up all the time like I did with Jonathan. Grayson's pregnancy was much easier, so fingers crossed this one will be too. No major headaches yet either so that's a good thing. I really don't want to tell Target until I have to that I am pregnant. For some reason I have been getting the cold/rude/mean shoulder from some of the woman I work with so I don't want to have that on top of it. I think it would just make things worse, maybe make them think I am getting special treatment or something. I don't know. I just don't want it to affect anything. Target says you can come to management with anything without repercussion but I just don't trust things of that nature. People are but human.

Anyway, that's that. thanks for reading.

Secrets

***UPDATE***
I am sorry to my SIL Melissa who is having to deal with this so closely, on top of everything else.

I have always been a fan of honesty. It all started when I watched my parents battle it out in their lives for truth and neither one of them would have known it if it had hit them in the head. (at the time) Then I got my own personal lesson when I was 7 or so when my mom had bought a 10 pack of juicy fruit gum (10- 5 or 10 packs mind you) and I ate almost the whole thing. Without permission, and in only a few days.

I was smart.

I hid the wrappers.

She asked me where they went and I told her I didn't know. She asked me point blank if I had been sneaking them. Again I said no. Vehemently said NO!

I was smart.

I hid the wrappers behind MY bed.

She found them.

I ate a bar of soap, for an hour.

I got smarter, learning all the creative ways I could hold the soap in my teeth so as not to actually TASTE it.

I learned.

That was the only bar of soap I ever had to sit and get to know.

Later on, I tried to sew something on my mothers sewing machine that she refused to show me how to use because well basically it was hers. At the time this totally pissed me off, now I totally get it. So while she was out, when I was 14 or so, I decided to sew something. Just to see if I could. I plugged it in. Turned it on.

And proceeded to shoot the needle 15 feet when I broke it clean in half.

I almost peed my pants. I paniced! What was I going to do?! She was going to kill me for "breaking" her sewing machine! So having learned that hard lesson back in the day I gathered my courage and called her, telling her I broke it and I was very sorry!

And do you know what happened? She said, "its ok, calm down. I am sure its not that bad. I will look at it when I get home"

I didn't die. She did give me a talk about not touching her sewing machine, but I did end up getting a few lessons here and there and some sewing time every now and then.

Which brings me to my point. At what point in someones life do they not learn about lying?! I can remember the exact moments that defined why I tell the truth. I am honest most of the time. No I won't tell you those pants make you look fat unless you REALLY want to know, cause its just rude, but I will tell you they are not the most flattering thing on you.

Sometime ago, people in my life made some really really bad choices. They chose to cover those choices up by lying and making it a big secret. And like most of you know, a secret is never a secret forever. Like that broken needle, it will always be found out. Whether its because someone goes to use thier sewing machine and finds it broken or because they step on the needle shard and cause huge amounts of pain and blood.

The ladder is whats happening in our lives now. The choices of one are impacting many. Way too many to count. And its sad. And wrong. And yet still that person chooses to maintain the secret, choosing instead to blame others all the while knowing in their heart they are at fault.

What makes me angry is that while one person made the choice to be hurtful from the very beginning, it was one other who continues to perpetuate the misery and gossip to all who will listen and spread the pain far and wide. There seems to be no end in sight and its hard to watch and in the end only a bloody massacre will remain.

Sad. Just sad.

The actions of a few, the pain of many.

Let this be a lesson to those reading. Tell the truth, be kind, and know that secrets ALWAYS come to light. And always to the demise of someone.

Come out come out wherever you are!

I read many blogs. Tons in fact. 65 to be exact.
Blogging is great for keeping up on peoples lives.
And I know there are a bunch of people who pop in here fairly often. I know there are almost 50 of you a DAY! So I am calling you all out. Very rarely do I get comments from most of you, so here is my challenge. Leave me a comment. I will take off the word verification so all you have to do is post. I really wanna know who you are and how you happened on my blog.

Some of you I know, some I have chatted with and others...? so please take a minute to say hello and leave a comment on how you found me. Thanks!

(this idea blog-lifted from Real Live Lesbian)

Puppy Love

Grayson met a puppy he couldn't refuse when he and daddy were out at the park the other day.
Nothing cuter than the giggles of pure joy on his face!

Target

Today was my first day of work at Target. I am on the flow team which basically makes sure everything gets off the truck and onto the shelves. It starts at 4am. Yes, you read that right. I had to be at work at 4am. My shift is normally going to be scheduled until 8 am but basically they ask if you can stay if all the product is not out or put away yet. Today I stayed until 9.

Last night I got ready for my early morning, set out my clothes, made a smoothie for the morning, packed my snacks and lunch (just in case I had to stay), and set my alarm for 3 am! I tried to go to bed at 830 but after basic procrastination and such I ended up in my bed about 9. Then I stared at the ceiling counting the minutes of sleep I wasn't getting. I don't remember when I finally fell asleep but I layed there a while.

3 am my alarm went off and I got up! No snooze button even! Then I got ready with more time than I even needed I got to Target 10 minutes before I needed to be there.

I even managed to remember how to clock in and had memorized my team member number between the car and building!

They had me work the truck unload line first and that was very sweaty, box lifty work. A decent work out I must say. No worries on the lifting. Everything is packaged in relatively smaller boxes, and if its not you are supposed to ask a team member for help.

After that I got to try my hand at some box sorting and putting the boxes next to their shelves for unpacking. I had some great people helping me learn so it went pretty quickly. We had a quick break and back to work getting things cleaned up and put away so it was relatively tidy when the store opened at 8.

Overall it was good. I have few complaints. I was told tomorrow is paperwork, though I have no idea what they could possibly have to say on paper that they didn't say in the 5 1/2 hours of orientation last week! I'll keep you posted!

I never knew it took such hard work to get products on the shelf for me to buy.
I love Target.

To tell or not to tell?

If you had a secret that was killing you to hold on to, would not hurt another person would you tell? I debate this because I am scared. I hate to admit that. I hate being scared. Hate even more to admit it. When I was younger my best friend Belle and I loved nothing more to go rent 3 of the scariest movies we could find. Then we would spend all weekend trying to scare the bejeebus out of each other.

Not any more. I hate being scared. It makes me panic and my head swirls. All the what if's come to mind. I guess it all comes down to the fact that I know I don't bounce anymore. When I was young I tested this as often as I could. I was immortal and nothing ever happened to me. Now that I am older I realize that things happen and there is little choice in the matter most of the time.

Which brings me back to my current debate. To tell or not to tell.

I always have grand plans of keeping my secrets. I do. Then I see someone who NEEDS to know and the jig is up. I tell. Then I see another person. And pretty soon, the whole world knows my secret.

If I keep the secret I am alone in my joy and alone in my sorrow. If I tell then I can share and be real and honest and me. Seems so easy. And before it would not have even been a question but now....

Now I am scared. Scared to tell. Scared to stay quiet.

So sorry to be so cryptic, this is killing me as much as I am sure it is killing you.

Click here to see the secret!

Mom of the year!

I WON MOM OF THE YEAR!!!

(click the white words above)

I would like to thank...

haha! wouldn't that be nice?


make yours here, or be nice and make one for your mom!

p.s. this is my 250th post!!! Somehow I missed all my other milestones! I need to think up a good give away...keep you posted.

Thursday Thankful.

Today I decided to change things up. I want to be more optimistic. (Yes, I am watching the Michael J. Fox special) So I am going to start writing what I am thankful for on at least a weekly basis.

I have always tried to be optimistic anyway and while it is my nature to find the best, I have my moments were I forget to find them and I get sucked into a deep hole. I always find my way back but sometimes its very hard. I had a very hard day yesterday. If you caught my post before I pulled it then you already know that. I pride myself on being candid and an open book. I felt very raw.

Basically I got a job and hours later got a call that it had been taken back away because my training was not as good as they had thought and it wasn't enough. So I went from having some of our "thoughts, prayers, hopes" answered to seemingly back at square one.

Well as I do I went to bed and when I woke up I felt new again.

So today I am thankful for:
1.) My hubby. It is nice to know that we have been through the worst things possible in our marriage and we are still together. And mostly happy. :)

2.) Target. I DO have that job. I had orientation today and while it was painful and 5.5 hours long it was fairly fun hanging out with a gal also from San Diego.

3.) Sun. I have seasonal affective disorder (SAD) and have struggled with depression for many years. Which is to say that in the winter my mood suffers. I am a slug and grouchy. Not always but more so than with spring and summer. So I am happy the sun is coming out again, finally.

4.) My friend Di. I know that no matter how busy she is if I call and need to talk or am having a bad day she is there to listen and give me a hug, even if its over the phone. We don't always have time to get together but she shows me she cares in so many other ways. Thank you.
(we got to get together on Monday and it was very refreshing for me)

5.) my blog readers. I know you are out there. Some of you reading faithfully every day. I see you. I feel your love and your compassion reaching out to me even if you don't leave comments.

Please leave comments. They get me through the days. I know I suck at writing back to them, but honestly that's just me. I have tried to remember to do that and get so behind...

On that note. goodnight.

Pregnant!

I have been taking tests almost daily for 4 days. My friend Tisha was insistent that she had a hunch I was preg so she bought 7 of them, for everyday until I would "know for sure." I finally got tired of taking the Dollar Tree tests which rarely tell you early and decided to pull out the REAL GUNS. I took an EPT which will usually tell you 5 days early.

Two lines.


Yikes!

Apparently we only get pregnant in April.

Grayson's due date was January 4 and his birthday is January 13, 07

Jonathan's due date was January 10, 09

This baby's due date will be January 14, 10

SO let the worrying begin! I can't say just how scared I am that this baby will have Anencephaly and die. But I am trying not to dwell on it. Lightning doesn't strike twice in one place right? And I am on a TON of folic acid- 4 mg, as opposed to 4-800 micrograms that the normal woman takes.

Fingers crossed.

We're having a baby!! :)

Budding Artist

Grayson seems to have gotten a bit of his mom's creative gene. He loves to draw or color or paint or play with play dough.
Tonight he tried a new medium. He got to draw his pictures with his finger on his daddies iphone. He loved it. He was drawing people notice all the faces on each picture. He says they all have hats too. :) So creative. I can't wait to see what he comes up with as he grows up.

Happy Birthday!

My friend Di turned 29-again on Friday. :) I had her and her hubby and little boy over for dinner tonight.

I also made her a lovely cake. I have wanted to try and Wonky cake for ages now. So Geneva came over on Thursday and helped me with the fondant. This is her mizing it up. This is almost as bad as my hands were the first time I made it. eeew! Makes me cringe a little just to look at that picture!

But this is how it all turned out. 10!!! hours later! I basically ignored my child all day
(his father was home).

It was white cake on the second tier and bottom and confetti on the top and third tier. In the confetti was chocolate ganache, butter cream in the white cake layers.

It was good!

Happy Birthday Diana!