Sunday, May 10, 2009

To tell or not to tell?

If you had a secret that was killing you to hold on to, would not hurt another person would you tell? I debate this because I am scared. I hate to admit that. I hate being scared. Hate even more to admit it. When I was younger my best friend Belle and I loved nothing more to go rent 3 of the scariest movies we could find. Then we would spend all weekend trying to scare the bejeebus out of each other.

Not any more. I hate being scared. It makes me panic and my head swirls. All the what if's come to mind. I guess it all comes down to the fact that I know I don't bounce anymore. When I was young I tested this as often as I could. I was immortal and nothing ever happened to me. Now that I am older I realize that things happen and there is little choice in the matter most of the time.

Which brings me back to my current debate. To tell or not to tell.

I always have grand plans of keeping my secrets. I do. Then I see someone who NEEDS to know and the jig is up. I tell. Then I see another person. And pretty soon, the whole world knows my secret.

If I keep the secret I am alone in my joy and alone in my sorrow. If I tell then I can share and be real and honest and me. Seems so easy. And before it would not have even been a question but now....

Now I am scared. Scared to tell. Scared to stay quiet.

So sorry to be so cryptic, this is killing me as much as I am sure it is killing you.

Click here to see the secret!


Angel... said...

Congrats! Jaimey, I am so happy for you. Hey please pray for me as well.

Trish said...

Well Zack's facebook gave that information to me. LOL You should try to remember how you felt with "G" and again with Jonathan before you knew. Remember that things happen according to God's plans not ours and all you can do is hope and pray for a healthy baby. Stay excited and pretty soon the scared part of you will disappear. Life has ups and downs and good and bad, we all see all of them, just pray for healthy.