Sunday, August 1, 2010

two years ago

Two years ago today my world changed in an immeasurable way. Two years ago today I got a heart breaking call telling me something was wrong with my baby. They didn't know what. I had a good idea based on the number from the tests they were reading. I called one of my closest friends who ran right over (she lives next door) and she just hugged me while I cried. And cried. I called Zack who came home. We cried together. And cried.

The next day we found out Jonathan had Anencephaly.

Noone prepares you for that phone call. There is no college coarse or book for someone to recommend before it happens. All you can do is look at the shattered mess of your life around your feet and attempt to pick up the pieces and go on. I don't know how we have done it but two years later I can look back and say that we have survived. I look at his pictures and think of Jonathan every day and every day my heart still breaks. I see the things Jaxon is doing and wonder what stage Jonathan would be at if he were alive and able to play with his brothers. I still feel the great loss.

Two years ago today we were a great gift that was Jonathan's life. He was so strong. He had absolutely no reason to live and yet he did. Against ALL odds, he lived almost 3 hours. He gave us the gift of love and our love for him. He brought our family closer to each other and to so many people around us. I have never felt so loved as I did when I think of the time around his pregnancy and delivery. Thank you all who were there every step of the way and to those who still stand next to us in this life. We wouldn't want to do it with out you.

Jonathan Belly Photos

Jonathan Birth and Life

(search baby Jonanthan or Jonathan for the rest of the posts. First post starts August 6, 2008)

1 comment:

DandlelionDreams said...

Dear Jaimey,

I feel your loss! I am not a mother myself, yet...and I think especially then it is almost impossible to understand this pain...I admire you for your strength and for your gratitude towards the people around you.
You have two beautiful children and Jonathan possibly smiles about the wonderful bond he was able to give your family...
Cherish the lovely memories you've got and hold on to the wonderful time you shared...3 three hours that he lived and during your pregnancy..that is something no one will ever take away from you and what will remind you in the dark hours.
I don't know you and you don't know me...but I wish you and your family all the best! Thank you for sharing...your third baby is in a good place and happy :) Hold on these thoughts.
Lotsa of love