Another binky bites the dust

When Grayson was born I tried desperately to get him to take a binky. Yes, you read that right. I wanted him to take a binky.

I was a thumb sucker... until I was 8... shhh don't tell anyone. My mom tried
E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G
to get me to not suck my thumb. Nothing worked. It was only at night and mostly because I was insecure, my home life at that time was very tumultuous. Not that I have an excuse... So I didn't want him to suck his thumb.

And I finally got him to take a binky. After I bought half the binky section at babies r us. He never was really attached to it per se but he took it. And then he got a cold about 5 months. He learned how to breath through his mouth that week and he also learned that he couldn't breath and suck at the same time.

Bye bye binky.

With Jaxon I tried from the beginning to get him to suck his thumb. I realized that while a binky may come and go a thumb is forever. Quite possibly literally if they are anything like I was. But I really believe in helping my children learn to self soothe. As much as I love being close to my babies being a human pacifier is not really fun when I need a bit of a break.

Or sleep.

Anyway, I digress. I tried to get Jaxon to take a binky too, one or the other would usually work. And then this week the binky would work for a few minutes (okay seconds) and then he would make this dramatic show of spitting it out. Like, LAUNCHING it out of his mouth. He is quite talented really.

And there you have it. Done-zo. No more binky.
Hopefully, the thumb will stick around a bit... otherwise I need to get sewing on his blankie... I still sleep with mine...
but that's seperate blog post confession all together.
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And now I have a favor. All that got me thinking. I wondered about the stats of breast feeders , bottles, pacifiers and nipple confusion and all that. SO, if you wouldn't mind posting a comment with the answers to the following questions and then either send an email to your mom friends so they can answer or link it on fb with the same request. I would love to get a broad range of answers for my little survey.

1. Did you breast feed your infant?
2. if yes, how long?
3. did you bottle feed breast milk?
4. did your child have a hard time switching back and forth between breast and bottle?
5. did your infant take a pacifier?
6. did your infant suck their thumb?
7. did your child ever suffer from nipple confusion?
Any other info you want to share?

Thanks!!

Jaxon is 4 months!

I know it seems like I just posted that Jax was 3 months and well that is because I did! But he is indeed 4 months old! I can't believe how fast it's going. I really need to stop blinking, before I know it he is going to be in kindergarten.

He is growing really fast!
stats:
Height- 27.5"
Weight- 18lbs
head- 17.5"

So that is off the chart for height, 95% for weight, just shy of the 90% for head!
My child is a moose and the irony of the photo above it not lost on me.

Mother's Day- slightly late

This is slightly late but Mother's Day was exactly what I wanted. Mostly. Minus the sleeping in, that's a bit hard to do when you have a baby who demands to be fed and no one else can feed him.

Zack had originally planned to go to the coast but since the Oregon coast is not exactly San Diego and usually requires a coat I asked if we could stay home and enjoy the sun that was supposed to be overhead. The other thing I had asked for was a hydrangea for the back yard.

We headed to Farmington Gardens and picked up this lovely larger hydrangea, some rainier strawberry plants, thyme, basil, rosemary and parsley. Then we went home and planted them all along with the tomato plants and hood strawberry plants I had bought the day before.

I generally don't have a green thumb so we'll see. I love the idea of growing a garden and if this takes and I don't kill them then maybe next year my garden will be a bit bigger. More on the "garden" later.

For dinner we went to one of our favorite little local restaurants, Reedville cafe. It's a fun little place that is a stone's throw away and always good.

Being a mommy was always what I wanted to do. I just knew I would not be complete until I had children. They have always been part of my life, from very young I was caring for my brother and from 13 I was babysitting for every family in my neighborhood. (some of those kids have kids of their own now!!!) Now that I am a mom my life feels like it's on the path it was always meant to take.

It has it's challenges and it's ups and downs but overall I wouldn't change a thing.
Thank you Grayson, Jonathan and Jaxon for choosing me to be your mommy.
And thank you Zack for choosing me to have a family with.
I love my boys!

the hand flowers they made me.

This is one gift that will stick around a while.

Spiderman to the RESCUE!

Tuesday's is boob group day. I take Grayson over to my friend and neighbor, T's house for daycare then Jax and I head off to the breast feeding support group. He loves going over to T's house. Today when I was done at boob group and all our errands I arrived at T's just in time to see a real live super hero!

He had watched almost the entire Spiderman Movie, feature film not cartoon mind you, T- you're fired!
I jest.
Mostly.
Kinda.
It's Grayson's first movie that is not a cartoon other than Elmo in grouchland. And hopefully he doesn't have nightmares... guess who I am calling if he does? T let him borrow the costume, that used to be her sons when he was little(r, he's 10 now)

He spent the rest of the day shooting webs at me...

telling me he was coming to the rescue (!!)

and showing me all the cool tricks Spiderman (he) can do.
Like this gem.

and this one.

He did learn how to do a somersault by himself today. He has been relying on us to do the final "push over" for him. He still needs some work on his technique because he usually ends up sideways.

Then he walked around the house finding all the cobwebs saying that Spiderman (not he) had put them there... lovely. I never noticed many of them. Guess I need to get out the wool duster.

Later Batman came out to play when he saw that Spiderman was outside.

After dinner he decided we needed to call the real Spiderman so we can go visit and when that didn't go over he decided Spidey is coming to us. He refused to take no for an answer so he is sure the there will be a super hero here in the near future.

He never did take that costume off. In fact he is tucked in his bed safely in costume, minus the mask for obvious safety reasons.

Judgement

I was watching tv earlier and saw a commercial for Primetime this Friday night. It's a "What would you do?" episode and features a mother breastfeeding in a restaurant when the manager goes off on her.

I posted the times and info on Facebook so my friends would know to be able to watch it with me. We are funny like that. Everyone I *know* breastfeeds and *most* extended breast feed. It's the most natural thing there is and the fact that some people find it offensive offends me more than most things. In fact it probably ranks in the top ten of offensive things to me. People who butt their noses in and tell a nursing mother to cover up or feed elsewhere or the worst give the baby a bottle.

Almost daily I hear or read about a mother hassled. There is even a gal on facebook who started a page to go along with her documentary about breast feeding and how facebook takes photos of breastfeeding babies off the site. Stating it is offensive. Anyone who has perused FB knows that there are scantily clad (or less) woman all over, and breast feeding is really the least offensive things going on out there in internet land. Well she was proved right. Amazingly, she posted 5 photos of babies nursing and 1 photo of 5 fake boobed topless woman. Within days all of the bfing pictures were removed. What remained? You guessed it, the fake boobs.

Ironic that when one gets implants and they grow old the only thing that does remain is those perky fake boobs.

Breastfeeding is NOT obscene people.

Breasts were designed for babies nutrition. Pleasure was secondary. And as great as that is, babies need to come first. Formula will never the as beneficial to babies, no matter how hard formula companies tout that it is. It will never give babies immunity of the mother, it will never change as the baby grows always giving exactly what baby needs.

So now that I have spouted all that, the reason for this post is that whether we like it or not we all have some sort of judgments of others. It's not right or even close to okay but we all do it.
Whether its someone's parenting style, breast vs bottle, stroller vs Ergo, crib vs co-sleep. It could be as simple as how you overhear someone talk to their child. In that moment you form an opinion of how they parent all the time when really they could just be having a bad day and yell only rarely, or they could be putting on a show and beat their child behind closed doors.

The truth of the matter is that no matter what our judgments are, they are usually formed with little to no actual fact of the situation. I am the first to admit that when I walk through the mall and see a mom bottle feeding her infant I cringe. I know. It's SO rude. Does she love her child less, probably not. But I automatically think "wow, formula, sad". Who knows what has happened in their situation. She could have had her baby early and not been able to get her milk in properly. I know mine didn't come in after Jonathan at 27 weeks. And I know other woman who had babies that early, and they didn't get their milk in either, and yet they HAD babies to feed. That mother in the mall could have been on major meds that are bad for her baby or maybe she worked and pumping was not accommodated at her work place. (while it is illegal in Oregon to not accommodate breastfeeding mother, they DO NOT have to make it easy. I was VERY worried about this when I was planning on going back to T) Yet she is still doing the best that she can with what she has. And still I go there in my head.

And I am sure there are thoughts directed at me when I nurse in public. I don't cover my child, ever. Never have and never will. So could a breast possibly be seen, sure maybe. If you stood over my shoulder, usually not if you are looking at me directly. I have had people in my life ask me how long I planned to nurse, as if my 3 month old needed to be weaned. I have been told I should wean when teeth were had. Grayson got teeth at 4 months.

I keep waiting for someone in public to say something to me. I have comebacks all worked out and ready to go in my head. Like: (can't you do that somewhere else- like the bathroom?) "Um, sure, how about you take your lunch in there and I will follow." That is an oldie but a goodie. as well as (can't you cover up?) " sure when you put a blanket on your head to eat" or "did you know it's very hot and suffocating under a blanket? Here let me show you..." {people hate it when you get in there personal space. :)} or my favorite (I can see your breast, could you do that *later*/ elsewhere) Oh really? *FLASH BREASTS NOW!*

LOL. Sorry. Sometimes I can't help myself.

But alas, I have never had a chance to use these fun bits. I either have a) "I'm a bitch, do NOT approach" or b) "perfect parent, no advice needed" tattooed on my forehead. I'm leaning toward the former. :) So far in my 20 cumulative months of breastfeeding I have only had positive feedback.

Once when we were in Sunriver (OR) for the insurance agency state conference I was nursing G in the hallway outside the hall of the award ceremony and two different woman came up to me to tell me how proud they were to see me nursing and doing it with such confidence.

Well thank you I said.

It really wasn't optional.

That isn't to say I haven't had struggles, I have. I almost lost my milk completely when G was 5 months old. I tried everything, at one point taking up to 17 herb capsules a day. I finally was able to acquire a Rx for Dompiredone, a compounded Rx that aids in milk production. (It's not FDA approved though so it's hard to come by. I am lucky and have a compound pharmacy in my town, otherwise you have to get it over the internet from New Zealand) Turned out I was having supply issues due to the mini pill. Guess I am the 5%. It took another 7 months of struggles to figure it out though.

So what was my point here? Crap. Oh ya, Judgment.

Good ol' judgment. We all do it. And we all, well some of us, try not to and work on not doing it and still fall short.

And yet... breast is best and that's all there is to it! Just sayin'.

(Hey, its my blog and I'll say what I want!)

Jaxon's new Hat!

I have no idea where that little bit came from. It was posted on Facebook and I LOVED it! I am an avid bf advocate, in case you didn't know! One of my friends knits. And well, I am me and you know I like to push the envelope just a bit... so... here is Jax's new hat!

Thanks Jackie!!

Nashville Needs help!

I have a bloggy friend who lives in Nashville. Were it not for her I would have NO idea what is going on there because it is not getting near the media coverage it should be. Please share this youtube link or this blog post to help get the word spreading that they need more help.

Jaxon is 3 months (but I'm a little late!)

I can't believe he is already 3 (+) months! Time is flying by!!

His stats as of now:
weight Tuesday was 17lbs 6 oz naked- yes I said 17 lbs! I apparently make cream.
length last week: 27 inches- 5 inches longer than birth, which means I have 2 inches until he outgrows his car seat.
sigh.

Loves:
milk
his brother
peek a boo
milk
laughing
snuggling
his soft minky blankie against his skin while he sleeps
milk
sink baths
his swing

Dislikes:
when people yell, he is sensitive like that
being cold
being kept from a nap

Felt board fun

When I was a nanny in Los Angeles eons ago, the girls I cared for had felt boards and could play for hours with them happily. Maggie called them "her girls".

I knew when I became a mom I would want my kids to have that as an option in their playroom. This is Grayson's felt board set up.

Luckily, my friend Corie used to be a preschool teacher and had quite a few felt boards left over and passed them on to us.

I love that Jax is watching Grayson so intently. It won't be long before he is standing right by his big brother.... stealing his toys. :)

Love a little bit more

Tonight while I was cleaning the kitchen after dinner Faith Hill's song Breathe came on my iPod. It's OUR song. I started thinking about all the things we have been through in our 8 year 8 month marriage. We have lost jobs, ended careers, started fresh in a new state, given birth to three beautiful little boys, made new friends, said good bye to those who hurt us, bought and sold homes and so much more.

And every day I fall in love a little bit more.

I looked out the window and watched him outside with Grayson. He is such a great father. Loving his boys and teaching them. Rarely does he loose his patience. He plays with them on the floor, even when his back hurts. He reads to them even when he just read that book 5 minutes ago. And he loves being a dad.

I will never forget what my dad said to me when I told him we were engaged and getting married the next summer. He said I was in love with the idea of being in love. And the tone was all it took. I knew he didn't really approve. At the time I was pretty hurt by those comments. I knew what I was doing of coarse because I was 21 and knew everything. But with time I came to see I was in love with the idea of being in love. That's not to say I wasn't in love with Zack, I was. I am. And honestly, now, if my child came to me and told me they were getting married after 2 months of dating I would probably say something similar.

I was in love with the idea of being in love. I loved the idea of being in a stable loving relationship and being happy. I had been in a few long term relationships before Zack. Two for about 2 years and another very tumultuous relationship that was off and on for 6 years. But none of those came close to being what I needed for forever. I knew that. I was in those relationships and it was almost as if I was watching from the outside, seeing all the mistakes I was making. Repeating my parents history with more than one guy I was with. I knew that was not the life I wanted. My parents relationship was a disaster at best. And close to 30 years of it. That's a long time to be miserable. I didn't want that for myself.

So of coarse I was in love with the idea of being in love.

It's not easy. Every day is a choice to be together. Everyday is a choice to love and do our best. And we are not always on target, sometimes we fall short. We are a work in progress after all, both together and as separate people.

That's what no one tells you. That marriage is hard. I guess it should be obvious but with a 50% divorce rate, I don't think I am the only one who didn't really know. No one tells you that babies aren't always sweet and cuddly either. Or that sex becomes an after thought with children in the single digit age bracket, so for the record, there's that.

Even with all that, I love him more every day. We will be married 9 years this summer and as I look around my life and my happy home with my boys, I know that this is exactly right where I am supposed to be and that is amazing.

And every day I fall in love a little bit more.

What are brothers for?!

It's probably a good thing that Jax won't remember all the LOVE Grayson shares with him at this stage of the game.

I'm not sure if G was trying to hide him or share with him. :)
He has been a great big brother for the most part in the last 3 months.

He tries to help us nurse and likes to occupy Jax when he is playing on his floor mat or in the high chair while I cook. And when Jax cries Grayson loves to sing to him. And it works! Jax loves to listen to him... and only him.

Not that I wouldn't cry too if I had to listen to me sing. But that's another post.

It's so fun to see my boys form such a loving bond.

Crepes!

When I was a little girl, about 5 years old I enrolled in Daisy girls scouts. Our year was actually the first year of the Daisy level! In that group I met many of my kindergarten pals, a few I am still friends with now. Bonnie is one of them. She and I have managed to stay friends all this time, with few breaks in the connection. Even with her moving out of state when we were 14.

When we were in junior high together we were absolutely best friends, from twins day every Friday where we would wear matching outfits (cringe!) to spending most weekend nights at each others houses.

It was one of those sleep overs that I learned about Crepes and it was love at first bite! Her parents

photo by Bonnie Swenson

make fantastic crepes! I have had an infatuation with them since. Almost an obsession. When Belle (another friend from kindergarten) was in Seattle last spring I drove up and we wandered around Pike's Place Market. Tucked in the back at the tip top of the shops is this amazing little crepe shop.

We almost thought for a second that we had died and gone to Heaven! She loves crepes too!

Fast forward to last weekend. I randomly decided I was going to make crepes with the pan I was given 3... okay 4! years ago as a birthday gift. I emailed some friends and asked for recipes and was told about this one. Julia Child was a genius, "that's all I gotta say about that."

Let me just say YUM A LUM!! It only took me one try to get it right and then after Grayson and I ate 2-3 (or 6 but whose counting?!) a piece I made an additional 16 for the freezer!

Strawberry and Whip cream filled with powdered sugar on top! I seriously may gain back ALL- and then some- of the weight I lost!