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Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Grumpy

GRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrumpy. That is what I am this afternoon. I get that it is probably par for the course but I am just angry today. I am so tired of pretending I am not pregnant in public so people won't ask me or congratulate me. I want to be excited about my baby, I want to be happy that I am pregnant. And granted I do cherish every second we have him but sometimes its just too much to think about.

I just spent two hours at the park with some friends and some acquaintances. The friends know what is going on. The rest don't. So there I sit in a tight top and warm up pants cause when I left I didn't feel like changing into something else that covered better. Lately I go out in public with a big puffy vest on so that you can't see what is under it for sure. So there I sit, slumped over so it just looks like I am fat. I don't want to tell them I am pregnant. I don't want to tell them he will die. I don't want more well wishes. I just want my baby!

The worst I think is the things people say when they don't know what to say but feel compelled to say something anyway. For the record- Say you are sorry and leave it at that. Anything more and you are going to put your foot in your mouth. People mean well they really do so I don't hold a grudge and I have no hard feelings if you are reading this and you are one of the people who said these things, but for the love of Pete! PLEASE don't tell me that God works miracles and just to hope. Um ya, thanks my baby is a miracle but no he is not going to miraculously grow a brain at 6 months gestation and be fine. That is just not going to happen. Yes I am sure he of his diagnosis. I would not take it lying down. And yes, I would get a second opinion if I was unsure. We are not. We have seen 3D ultrasounds, he has no brain. Simple as that and its obvious. Unfortunately, anencephalic babies usually don't form a skull either and sadly he didn't.

I don't mean to be harsh, ungrateful or anything else. I am just angry and grumpy. Off to eat worms.

11 comments:

1snappyfamily said...

Oh man, Jaimey. I'm just so sorry you're going through this. I can't even imagine what it must be like. My heart goes out to you...just aches for you. We love you so very much! Just hang in there....as best you can. As always, if there is anything, anything in the world that we can do, please let me know.

Jonathans Dad said...

I am sorry that you are having a hard day. Although I too have hard times I do not have to go thru what you do as you are pregnant with our sweet son.

Love You

Zack

Lindsey Bunjes said...

Is it ok if I say DIDO to what Melissa said?

Random Steph said...

You have every right to be grumpy and you don't have to apologize. It's hard, it stinks and it's okay to feel the pain of it. I wish your family didn't have to go through it. It makes my heart ache.

BelleZimet said...

Oh the god stuff! Joy! I wouldn't be able to help but punch people. They are lucky you are just blogging and not leaving flaming poop bags on people's doors.

BelleZimet said...

Oh...the god stuff. I would not be able to help but punch people. You're awesome for just writing a blog and not leaving flaming poop bags on people's porches.

Jens Place in Space said...

I found your blog through Unity stamps I believe. I will keep it short and heartfealt, I am very sorry.

Mandy said...

I also found your blog through Unity. Praying for your family. So sorry for your pain!

Swedie said...

My heart goes out to you and your family. I will keep you in my prayers.

Swedie

Niki said...

I too lost a child to anencephaly, actually Wednesday was the four year anniversary of his birth. I wish that there were words to take away your pain. I will pray for you during this difficult journey. No one should have to endure this.

Jessica said...

I am so sorry that you are going through this. My sister in law has had 2 pregnancies where the diagnosis was the same as yours. I know of a few other people who went through it too. I have not been in your exact position, but similar. Its heartbreaking. *virtual hugs*