24 weeks pregnant

To date my stats are:
weight gain~ 3 lbs
new stretch marks~ 0 (unless they are hiding where I can't see them!)
vericose veins~ 0 still yeah!
sciatic nerve~ Alive and well
hip displacement~ active on the left. :(

Why is it possible to have gained only 3 lbs, and yet feel so horribly HUGE and round!
is 24 weeks 5.5 months or 6 months pregnant?! If you count by conception its 5.5... I am so confused! What do you think?

Greensprouts Festival

Sometimes when I have quiet moments I find myself in tears. I never know when it will happen or how to prepare for it because its so random. Today on highway 26 headed to Portland to the Greensprouts Festival to work the gdiapers booth I found myself in that exact moment. Something came on the radio and I was in tears. I don't even think it had anything to do with the song but something about that moment sent me into last year at that exact moment, when I was headed to GS to work the gbooth and I was pregnant with Jonathan. It's funny sometimes how life works. Part of me is a little sad at all the milestones I feel with this little boy growing in my belly because they are the same timing as last year with Jonathan (their due dates are 4 days apart), the other part of me is excited to feel things at the same time especially after the 27 week mark where we left off with J.

Last year as I was working the gbooth and getting ready mentally to give birth to my child who would die and it seemed like everyone was looking at me. Like somehow everyone knew, that it was all over my face. I remember hiding in my vest most of the event because I didn't want people asking about my pregnancy and asking when I was due etc, only to have me drop the truth in their laps. I did get many hugs that day from friends who had heard or read my blog and that was lovely and comforting.

It was nice to see many of those same people today and get those well wishes all over again. It's a bit like de ja vu except in a happier tone this time around. I was able to suck up my tears and make it in one piece to Portland and the festival and had a great time working with the gals at the booth. I even picked up some of "Hotdog's" (Sophie, my nanny charge, thinks his name should be Hotdog. :) g's in some of my favorite discontinued colors.

Some of my favorite vendors from the day are: gdiapers of coarse! Punkinbutt! Milagros Boutique!

Dreams

I rarely dream, or at least I rarely remember them. But this morning at 4 am I woke with a start. I had a horrible dream. And as they always do when I am pregnant they involve my children.

Grayson and I were down the road at our neighborhood farm picking berries when he noticed a semi truck. It was mostly empty and noone was around to ask if we could go in, so we did. (not my normal course of action in this case but what is in a dream?) As soon as we were in the back of the trailer, the doors slammed shut and locked. I started screaming and banging on the walls. I could hear someone out side talking, saying California...CALIFORNIA?! Is that where this truck was headed?! Grayson was crying by this point and I wanted to. It was VERY dark. I couldn't see my own hand in front of my face much less him. I continued to bang on the walls as the engine started and we started to move. I freaked out. I found G and scooped him up. And we both sat. Just in time too otherwise we would have been knocked flat as we picked up speed.

Suddenly I realized if we were going to get out of this alive, I was going to have to stop panicing and figure something out. I then realized I had my phone in my BRA-cket. I always take it picking in case I need to take a picture. Yay! So I pulled it out, and while trying to feel our turns I called 9-1-1. I told the dispatcher where I thought we were headed, and on what road. I told her the color of the truck and any other describing features I could remember and oh by the way I have my two year old with me and I am 6 months pregnant! I stayed on the line while I pulled up my gps on my iphone and told her about where we were. (I was thankful for iphone in that instance!)

Not long later I heard sirens and they were right behind us. But the truck wasn't stopping. Finally we came to a screeching halt. I set down G and started banging and screaming for help again. I could hear the driver being hauled out and cuffed, then the officers trying to open the door. It was locked and padlocked. The driver really had not intended to let us out until he saw fit. They told me to stand way back and it was bashed in and then pealed off by some sort of jars of life machine.

The light was blinding after being in pitch black for so long. I jumped down and ran into my husbands arms (9-1-1 had called I guess :).

Seems like a great ending right? Except that wasn't the FIRST ending...

Oh no. The first ending was where I woke up with a start, cause I had to pee in the dream (and in real life- gotta love how it builds in to the dream!) and we were actually racing half way through Oregon on I5 before I got my phone to work and remembered we had gps. We had been in that truck for hours and I had a semi dead phone battery. Of coarse! Its like the girl going up the stairs instead of out the front door in a horror movie.

I got up to go to the bathroom, thinking it would end there. Oh No! I got back in bed, shut my eyes and wouldn't you know it started right in the middle, giving me an alternative ending, just in case I wasn't done. So I snapped back awake and tossed and turned for a while, thinking about all the other things I could be doing...blogging came to mind.

20 minutes later I tried sleep again, only to end up with a shorter but worse version. The truck rolled and we were ejected. It wasn't pretty, in either of the two versions of that. :(

Finally I fell asleep and dreamed the last version of jumping into Zack's arms and everyone being ok. Then sleep was easy. And Grayson even slept in a little bit. But I was never more happy to see his smiling little face when he came in to say, FEED ME!

Out of the mouths of Babe's

Grayson is so chatty lately. He also copies everything we say. Everything we say. This week I said to Zack "Daddy move your ars" and over in the corner we hear "Daddy, move your ars."

Glad I didn't say A$$! :)

Then today he was sitting on the potty and was having a hard time going. Daddy, who was helping mentioned it was "hard to go when he has a "happy friend". Grayson says "Happy Friend?"

haha. I am sure you can figure that out.

written 5-16-09 and forgot to post. :)

Tomorrow is a new day

Today as I got really mad at Grayson for having a pee accident I realized how much my moods are fluctuating lately. I have been a long time sufferer of depression off and on my whole life though I was not diagnosed until a few years ago. After I had Grayson I had Postpartum Depression pretty badly starting about 4 months after his birth. To the point that while I would care for him and spend my days and nights attached to him (literally) I felt so detached from that time. And when he would scream endlessly (colic and reflux) I would feel the anxiety and anger well up in my chest. I wanted to throw him. Luckily I got help. I never hurt my child or myself.

Luckily or unluckily for me many people in my family are sufferers of depression or bipolar disorder. And even more than that have never been diagnosed but I suspect they too have depression tendencies. I say luckily, because long before I was diagnosed I knew what to look for and how debilitating it can be. Also luckily for me, I have never gotten to the point of not being able to get out of bed or function. I get lazy, disinterested, lack enthusiasm, sad and hopeless. And lonely.

That is the worst. How alone one feels when depressed.

While I try to control it myself to the best of my ability sometimes something has got to give. I was completely unmedicated during the entire time we were finding out about and having Jonathan but something lately has shifted. I don't know if its PPD again, pregnancy, the shift of the two at the same time or all the crap stress in my life right now or something else entirely but my head is all wonky again. I finally locked G in his room and me in mine and just cried this after noon.

I was scared. I felt so out of control with him and he had not napped so nothing I said was sinking in no matter how I tried which left me feeling more out of control and flustered. After a brief 10 minutes of both of us in tears, I opened our doors and we cuddled, talked and had a much lovelier afternoon.

I emailed my dr right after that.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and I will have more patience.

Scrapblog.com- woo hoo! more toys!

Clean freak? Not so much...

How sad is it (and telling?!) that I just had to forbid my child from taking the couch cushions off my sofa even one more time because its so GROSS in there? I think today is vacuum the sofa day. *sigh*

Harvest Festival at The Punkin Patch

I can't believe fall is here already! A few weeks ago we went with our friends Shelly, David and their son Asher to The Punpkin Patch on Sauvie Island. We were a little concerned because it was raining when we got out of the car but within minutes it cleared right up and the sun came out.

We had such a great time the visiting the animals

playing on hay stacks

coloring on gourdes

and riding the cow train. This ride was SO bumpy! I had no idea just how bumpy it would be but I thought I might go into labor, and it shook the pee right out of G. :) The tires on ours rotated tiny ones with huge ones, making it very bumpy indeed!
(cow train photo borrowed from flicker)

When we were all done playing we shopped at the little farm market, picking up fresh cherry tomatoes and pears.

Shelly and I left all the boys to go to Ikea while they headed home. We ate our well deserved lunch (25 minute line!) in the Ikea cafe having yummy Swedish meatballs. Mmmm good! Have I mentioned that baby isn't a vegi anymore? weird. Usually I don't really care about meat but those meatballs looked so good. I even had to top that with a piece of apple cake.

When we finished lunch we heaved our full bellies downstairs to start shopping. I ended up with 4 of their little potties- 2 for cars and 2 for other rooms...

*TIP OF THE DAY!* gdiaper flushies cut in half are great for potty chairs on the go or in the car. Just toss or flush later!

... some chocolate and a few place mats for G cause my table is getting pretty gross.

Happy Fall everyone!

A morning at the zoo

My friend Dawn and I decided to head to the zoo last week. When I asked her what time would be good for her, she said 8:30 am! Mind you she has TWIN two year olds and lives WAY further than I do! Um, ok, see you then...

It worked out GREAT. All the animals were out and so cute!
I got the best pics of the polar bears I may ever get in my life.


Could this be cuter?!

And this guy, bouncing on the barrel.

The second best part of our day was seeing the baby elephant. He is SO cute. I love seeing him grow. I think this is how Eli's hug. ahh.

He is so playful!

Then we sat and watched the bird show after lunch. We sat pretty close to one of the perches, not that I had ANY idea when we sat. I kept waiting for one of us to get crapped on but we were spared... this time! Grayson was pretty excited about the birds and enthralled with them flying so close, though a little apprehensive about its claws and talons being so close too.

We heart the zoo!

Nine Eleven

Eight years ago today I was about to leave for work when my boss, Julie, called to see if I had left. She told me to turn on the television. I watched as the twin towers were hit a second time and then fell. FELL. Two giant indestructible buildings. FELL.

My life changed in that moment as did so many peoples across this country. Zack and I had just been married in August (18) and were planning on going to NYC for our honeymoon for Christmas and New Years. I felt so helpless. So small. I watched for hours that day, finally making it to work an hour later. All the while watching the San Diego sky waiting for it to literally fall. Emily (my charge) and I never left the house that day. I was terrified. I watching in petrified silence as the world as I knew it changed. People died in front of my very eyes. I lost it a little bit that day.

The hotel we were supposed to stay in was destroyed, it was next door to the WTC. We decided to go anyway, staying closer to Time Square, if for no other reason than to support NYC with tourism. I am glad we did. We had a wonderful time and while I had always heard New Yorkers were rude and unkind, we experienced none of that. Everyone we came across in our 12 days there was wonderful. Though it was heartbreaking to see the destruction and devistation and lives lost.

It was clearly visible everywhere we went. Signs asking if you have seen this loved one and that. Police lines, trucks hauling debris, tour guides pointing out where the once tallest buildings in the world once stood, survivor lists.

And yet...

Everywhere we went was hope. Hope for the future. Hope for the lives yet to be. Hope to be rebuilt. Hope and love.

This is me, adding to this window of WTC dust near ground zero. I wrote "We love you- from CA."

What I learned that day and in those after and every day since, is to be Thankful for the life we have. It is precous and perilous. There are no promises and tomorrow is not a guarentee. Tell the ones you love, you love them and have hope for the future because that is the best we can do with today.

As the dust cleared and America dusted off her knees and looked around we realized something. We realized that while they could kill our people and knock down our buildings, they can't kill our spirit. We will survive.

And this is why I want to bite his cheeks!

Yum!

Being a parent today...

...Was like being eaten by a pack of wolves from the toes up. Ugh.

No nap+ 10 minutes nap in the car= very grumpy boy when woken up.

Happy serger once again!

See them tiny serger lines? Those make me happy. Can I tell you how much easier making G's underwear is when "my" serger is working?

These are the 4 pair I made this weekend.

And my little model. Thanks buddy. Someday you will hate these blog posts.

And I finished them just in time. I was telling my Fri kids' mom last Friday that I figured G would be 3 and the baby would be here before we had him potty trained. What is that thing my friend Gretchen says?

Oh right!
"Children will always make a liar out of you!"

Saturday morning G was about to poop in his diaper and I asked him if wanted to sit on the potty. He agreed! So we ran to the potty and he did his biz... a few times... and then asked for underwear. Yeah! He has been in them since. And mostly DRY!

Saturday he did great even going out to dinner and staying dry.
Sunday he stayed mostly dry (little bit of relief before we got to the potty) at OMSI.
Monday we went to a Harvest Festival and he had a 'miss' (I don't like the word accident so I try to use 'miss') but overall he held on tight and stayed dry! Yeah.

Today not a single miss!

Now if I could teach him how to get every drop out so we are not on the potty every 30 minutes.
I am so proud. Gotta love parenthood, excited about potty chairs and poop! Oh and happy fixed sergers!

Woo Hoo!

In the garden

This summer has been filled with a bounty of lovely foods. I wish they had all come from my garden and with any luck some will next summer.

We were lucky enough to have a chance to visit our friend Shelly's garden at her Grandma's house and come home with a lovely array of veggies. It was great to show Grayson how to pull the weeds and then the vegetables that were ready for harvest.

It's times like these that I know I should have been born to farmers. I would have been a great farmer. (just don't tell my black thumbs. they are going to go green they just don't know it)
I love showing Grayson where his food comes from and how we don't just go to the store, someone had to work to grow his food from beginning to end.

He may not get it now but I hope someday he will.

Grayson and Sage looking for lemon cucumbers.
Notice G's baby legs on his ARMS. Such a fashion-ista this boy. LOL

G, Sage and Shelly pulling weeds.

Playing on the vintage tractor at Shelly's gram's house.

I love this pic of the kids (G, S and Asher), playing in the tilled field behind the house. They kept knocking each other over. Then laying there in a heap together in fits of giggles.

We have been friends with these kiddos since they were all tiny babies. We met at our Breast Feeding support group. What an amazing group of woman came out of that group!

Final Count

42.5 jars of Peaches

10 jars of spaghetti sauce

Me- blogging

This is how my husband sees me; night after night. Whether it be Facebook, email or blogger. This is my spot. So much so that I have a divit in my sofa from my @$$. Think he is tired of this view? He just sent me this pic, he took, without my knowledge. Joy.

Celebrate Hillsboro

Every summer our "little" (about 100k but very small town feel) town does a celebration in the center of town. This year's Celebrate Hillsboro was so fun! We got to see the amazing March Fourth. This was my second time, I saw them last year at the Green Sprouts festival. {another GREAT event if you are in the area and have time, I will be at the gdiapers booth from 930-130}
They are amazing! You are hear them here and see them here and here.

Zack and G playing with clay.

And painting a square on the banner for the town, I wish I had taken a pic of the finished product. :(

March Fourth in action, these are the "marionettes"

So fun!

Until they figured out they could untie themselves and tied up their puppeteers!

I love this group!

Thankful Thursday! 21 weeks

Ugh. I know this is Thankful Thursday but my dogs are barkin'! I just got off work at Target, a 5 hour shift turned in an 8 hour shift, and my feet are killing me! So on that note!

Tonight I am thankful for:
1. having a job! Even though the hours are ALL over the board and my body feels like its gonna fall apart at the end of the day, its a job and jobs are to be appreciated. Amen. :)

2. being 21 weeks pregnant! That means only 133 days left (+/-)

3. for having the sweetest smartest little boy I know. He was awake but in bed when I got home. As soon as the door closed he was calling for me. Asking me why daddy picked him up instead of me from daycare? and being so excited to see me! I love that. I could seriously cuddle that little boy and kiss his face off all day!

4. the auction for the house being canceled *for now*. We applied for a modification on our mortgage and they are processing our paperwork and while they do the sale is canceled. fingers crossed that it all goes through and we get to keep our house. It is really coming down to the wire but like they say, its not over till the fat lady sings (such a rude sentiment isn't it?)

5. getting my (Aunt Janna's) serger fixed. I tried to make G some "aunerwares" with it and it refused to sew for more than a few stitches and then makes a clanging noise. Not good. grrr. I called my machine guy who said try the tension and change the needles. Check. And a no go. grrr. So another few months go by cause its $$$ to fix and so I bite the bullet and call to see how much it will be to have it looked at. He says so nicely, "we look at it for free but service starts at $109" Yikes! (Aunt Janna- you aren't getting it back any time soon! :P ) I took it in on Tuesday and said TAKE YOUR TIME, hint hint I have no money to pick it up! (oh and what was wrong with it was the alignment was off on the cutter and looper... he said it was probably out of whack when I got it but continued use made it worse, but that it was an "easy"- for him- fix.)

6. my loving amazing husband... Today the fix it guy called and said he was done with my serger! uh oh right!? Nope! Since we had to cancel camping this weekend, due to rain Zack decided to work on Friday anyway, and said I can get "my" serger out of "jail". Yeah! More aunerwares in our future thise weekend. Now if I could just get my son to wear them consistantly! :)

Have a great Labor Day weekend!

100,000 names and not one seems right?!

Now that we know its a boy in my belly, it seems that I should have a name. At this point with Grayson I had his name. I was sitting in the park with my nanny charges when this other mother ran by screaming for her Grayson to come back. I pointed and said "there goes my name!" We obviously didn't even know he was a he yet. But as soon as I heard it I just knew.

Jonathan's name "came to me" on the ultra sound table when we learned his diagnosis and his gender all at the same time. I later learned it means Gift of God.

This little boy I am currently carrying has no name... nothing. No run by names, no on the table whispers. Nothing.

So if you have a name you think we should consider please let me in on it! It has to go with "Grayson" and "Jonathan" and be equally cool as "Grayson". :)

Thanks friends!

***UPDATE*** as of Sept 7 I think we have a name. Not positive on the middle yet... the catch is we are not gonna share. (boo I know right!) but here's a hint, someone mentioned it in the comments. :) The reason we are not gonna share is LITERALLY everyone I know is pregnant and someone I knew who was pg with their baby at the same time as me with Grayson stole the name AND had her baby first. Not taking any chances... LOL

And since you all know me so well, the count down begins now on how long I will really keep this secret. :)

Grayson singing to himself.

This is so sweet to me specifically because since the day he was born I have been singing ABC's, Twinkle Twinkle and Bah Bah Black Sheep, in that order to calm him. It still works. :) Now he soothes himself with them. I just love this singing stage.