Clifford the Big Red Dog comes to Visit!

Gotta love Barnes and Noble story time!

Thankful Thursday! 29 weeks

Today I am Thankful for:
1. Being 29 weeks pregnant. Today. Hotdog will be here before I know it.

To date my stats are:
weight gain~ 6 lbs (he is growing just fine I am assured)
new stretch marks~ 0
vericose veins~ 0 still yeah!
sciatic nerve~ Alive and well and rearing its ugly head on the Right as well as Left now.
hip displacement~ active on the left. :(

2. That we get to keep the house! I feel we are very blessed in this fact. I know there are many, many people who have lost theirs in this economic mess.

3. That my husband works so hard to make our life great, even when everything is up in the air.

4. Email and Iphone. I know this is silly. But when I found out about Jonathan I lost my ability to use the phone except when necessary. Text, email and facebook are so much easier for me now. And in the beginning I was not too sure if I liked my Iphone and now... well lets just say the AA people might want to consider a IPhone Addict Annomous group.

5. Tiny little clothes. I have been going through the leftovers from when Grayson was born and small. I have the room in the furniture configuration I want it in, and all the clothes washed and folded or hung up. The cloth diapers are washed and sized to smalls and in the changing table. Basically we are ready. I still have the bulk of the nursery decor to do but its "designed" and planned just needs to be exicuted. I will take before and afters but no pics until its ready.

Lavendar Festival

This was in July. I forgot I had the pics. Ooops.
We went to the Helvetia Lavender Farm for part of the lavender festival. It is a bunch of lavendar farms in Oregon and you can farm hop that weekend for all the fun. It was a bit drizzley so we only went to one.

I love Lavender.

On the way home we saw this sign... um how do you MISPLACE your COWS!?

Handmade swap

I am on an online chat group. It all started with gdiapers yahoo group. We were all a part of it. We chatted, got to know each other and broke off 2 years later into our own little group. There is about 25 of us from all over the country. There are maybe 5-6 of us in Portland that get together every now and then but mostly we just chat online.

Its a lovely group of woman who compliment each other in ways not often found In Real Life (IRL). We are always supportive, never judgmental and always open to conversation and discussion. It's honestly one of the few places I air everything. Seriously, you thought I was open here... you ain't seen nothing! They knew first that I was pregnant again. They have known first when I was struggling with life and its hardships. It is an amazingly safe place. Oddly enough if someone had told me a few years ago that I would have friends online I would have laughed myself right out of the conversation. CRAZY talk.

But really, I hope to someday meet them all IRL.

Recently, we tried something new. A handmade/homemade swap. Anything under $20 (roughly) and you could make whatever you want or let your giftee participate in the fun and choose something. That is what I did. I was to send my handmade items to Lindsey and she decided she wanted some trainers for her little girl. My stupid serger is still wonky so it took longer than planned, and have a few flaws, but here they are...

On the other side of the swap, today I received this super cute Wool diaper cover from Natalie! I love it. I have always wanted to try one but the expense and/or lack of pattern has held me back. Natalie made this one out of a repurposed Abercrombie sweater. It is sooo soft! I can't wait to use it on Hotdog.

When I showed G he was SURE it was a hat and for him! Hopefully I can wrangle it from him for Hotdog's bum before Hotdog grows into it.

For those not in the know, wool is great as a cloth diaper cover because it does not leak when properly lanolized which is the natural water proof quality sheep/wool has. It resists buildup of urine making it the perfect fabric all on its own. It's also very breathable and cozy.

A sliding Milestone!

Grayson has been too scared to go down this HUGE slide at Out of this World Pizza.

Until now. Yay!

taken a few months ago...

House update and such.

We got the paperwork the next day for the home loan modification. We sent everything in by the deadline (5 days), though we did not delay and sent it in the day after we got it. Everything looks good. As long as we make the probationary payments for 3 months, it will get rewritten as our new loan. Yay! So happy to have that weight off our chests. :)

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This last Thursday marked 27 weeks into this pregnancy. It is officially longer than I was pregnant with Jonathan.

It was a bit of a mixed blessing day. I think I may be MORE anxious now than I was before that date. (if that is possible) I have learned first hand there are no guarantee's in life and until I hold this little boy in my arms I will not breath easy. If I don't feel him for a few hours, I panic. still. Even though I know he likes to sleep (I am SO hoping that carries over into his life with us)

I have another apt tomorrow, along with the gestational diabetes screen. Joy.
It is nice to have the heartbeat as confirmation.

I have finally started to work on the nursery for "hotdog." I went to a baby resale event at the fair grounds last weekend and found this

bumper. It was only $5!! I didn't find the quilt though, kind of a bummer. I am hoping it will pop up on ebay for cheap at some point. Zack put me on a spending freeze until we make sure we are ok for the mortgage though so while I pine for the quilt, I'm told it has to wait. :)
(insert sarcasm here- I know I have to wait, just whining!)
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I has been lovely how many doors have opened back up since the phone call about the house. Not only can I now work on the baby's room (cause he has one!), I can finish Grayson's mural and add all the animals that have been on hold until we knew more. We can work on the house and finish paint that has been on hold as well. So many things I am excited for again! Its a little hard to think about it all because we put it out of our minds for so long and mentally detached from the house so long ago. Its amazing how much and how little 4 walls can mean to a person.

I for one am very thankful for the life we have. No matter the ups and downs we have faced in life and in the last few years, I know we will always end up okay.

Amazing!

Have you ever had a day where one phone call changed your entire life? I have. A few.
And today was another. I left my phone in the car when I went to a friends for a play date and when I got back in I checked messages.

2 texts from Zack:
1. no need to pack
2. we get to keep the house.


I immediately called, because UM WHO SAYS THAT OVER TEXT?!
He said Wells Fargo called today and while nothing is signed yet and for sure... it looks like
we GOT THE MODIFICATION!

YES that is me screaming! I am so excited!!!
Its a payment that we can afford, not easily and it will be tight for a while, but who cares!
Apparently, they dropped the interest rate (from 6% to 2%) and extended it to 40 years and forgave a large chunk of the loan.

So thank you Wells Fargo.
I am very Thankful for the light at the end of the tunnel of this long long road we have been on.
I am very appreciative of all the love and moral support we have received from those around us. We could not have gone through the last 2 years without you all.

And as quickly as my life was turned upside down by a phone call, it was restored by one.
Full circle.

tiny dancers

The kids dancing to their own drum beats in the field by the indoor park we frequent.

Jonathan's Birthday dinner

Jonathan's birthday was like any other day except in my head and on my Facebook page. In my head, a range of thoughts flooded my memories of this time last year. Thoughts about Jonathan's labor, his birth and his very short life. And all the people he touched. In the weeks before I delivered I had a record number of people reading this blog. Everyone was amazingly supportive and loving.

Thank you again!

So tonight, after work we came home and made dinner together as a family. We made

Pepper Steaks with Blackberry Glaze

Glaze:
1/2 cup blackberry jam (I use homemade of coarse)
1/4 cup red wine vinegar
Steaks:
3 t ground pepper
4 (4 oz) strip steaks (we used Top Sirloin)
1/2 cup fresh or frozen blackberries, thawed

In a small saucepan, combine Glaze ingredients. Cook over med heat until melted and combined. Stir constantly... or whenever you think of it if you are like me. :)

Rub pepper onto both sides of steaks. Place on broiler pan. Broil 4-6 inches from heat for 7-10 minutes or until of desired doneness, turning once halfway through cooking. To serve, spread with glaze and top with berries.

We also had fresh asparagus, garlic bread and salad. Yum.
We ate our yummy dinner while talking about our little boy and trying to help Grayson understand.

Grayson and I had stopped at Bliss cupcake bakery for some cupcakes. I had planned on baking them but I ran out of time and energy. Grayson picked out Cherry Chip Bliss.

This is him begging to eat them after dinner, well his anyway, we were still eating.

After we enjoyed our cupcakes and sang Happy Birthday to Jonathan a few times, we sat down and looked at the photo collage I had made last Christmas of J's birth. Grayson asked who everyone was and all about Jonathan. I know he doesn't really get it, but until he is older all we can do is help him to try and understand.

Something we are still trying to do every day.

Happy Birthday Jonathan!

Today my angel baby would be a year old. In a way its a sad day, it reminds me of every thing he will never do or be, all the things we miss out on with him. But on the other hand, the hand I tend to use more, it is a day that we got to learn lessons about life and love we may never have learned any other way. He is the angel who guides our family through life. I know he is with us in every way.

As I look at the photos of him. His tiny toes and his tiny perfect body I realize the love for a child never fades. I love him more every day since I first found out I was pregnant with him.

A moment in our hands
Forever in our hearts
Always in our thoughts
Never far apart

A life that was so short lived
And question still remain
We will always think of you
And always know your name

A love so strong as ours
Can never go away
So although we're far apart
In our hearts you'll stay

A moment in our hands
Forever in our hearts
We will always love you, Son
Even though we're far apart

A love so strong as ours
Can never go away
We will love you till the end
We will love you everyday

~written by Daddy

We love you sweet baby. You always have a large piece of Mommy and Daddy's heart. You are our Angel and we love you forever and always.

TJ's adventure!

I don't know if every Trader Joe's does it but our's hides the monkey (their mascot) daily and for the kiddos who find it there is a lollipop or fruit snack in their future. Its one of Grayson's favorite things, right after pushing the tiny shopping cart.

Cindy's baby sprinkle

This is my friend Cindy's baby sprinkle. Isn't that a cute idea?! Its her 3rd, so not really needing anything she did a baby sprinkle to celebrate his coming into the world!

Gifts were "not necessary" but who can celebrate a baby without giving a loving gift?
Not me! (and noone else who came!)

This is the outfit I made for "Mr. Edwards" or as I like to call him "Mr. Ed".

Cindy- that is what happens when you refuse to give out the name, you get random names like Mr. Ed and Hotdog as mine is fondly called.

100 days to go!

Today is the 100 day mark! Yay! That means I am 180 days down/ or 65%! Woo hoo! It still a loooonnnnngggg way to go.

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In other news, I have some good news potential that I hope to find out more about. I can't say more yet, but I will as soon as I know. I would love all the good thoughts, prayers, vibes you all provide so generously on this. I know its generic, but you'll be the first to know! I promise!
;-)

A little scare

Today started out fairly normal for a Sunday. I got to sleep in till almost 10! Lovely. I woke up and went to the bathroom. I had slept for 10 hours so I noticed when I wasn't in there peeing for 5 minutes like that scene from Dumb and Dumber, where it just keeps coming and coming. I shrugged and kept on moving. Went down stairs to join the boys and ate some breakfast. A few hours later Grayson was cuddling with me on the couch and kissing my tummy. A tummy that usually responds to his brothers affections, that wasn't. I shook up my tummy and drank some apple juice. Nothing. I walked around. I laid on my tummy. Nothing. Then I got worried. When had I last felt him move?! Yesterday? Last night? Then I panicked! I had two fairly large contractions last night, what if something was really wrong?! I had not been drinking enough water, I knew that, maybe I had dried him up... fears of a first timer I know.

I called my friend Di to see if she would take Grayson so we could go to the hospital and check babies heartbeat. No answer! Of coarse I knew she was at church but that didn't stop me from trying again. And again. And again. And text. And again. I know I am a total stalker. I also called the labor and delivery unit at the hospital and asked if I could come in for a heart rate check and they said they would see me when we got there.

I would have just dropped G at another friends house, but 2 Friday's ago her son exposed G to hand, foot and mouth. Its a common childhood illness but highly contagious. Mostly just annoying but no one wants their kiddo sick. They have been our only source of company for a week.

We loaded us all in the van and headed in the general direction of Di's church while I kept calling her. We got there and I went in. I looked through the doors of the chapel and found them in the exact chairs I had sat in when I went with her last fall. Thank goodness they are such creatures of habit. I went in as quietly as I could and slid in next to her. I asked her if I could talk to her outside.

We walked out in the lobby, I know she immediately knew something was wrong... I was in a church for the love of Pete! I broke down as soon as she asked what was up. I told her and asked if she would watch G while we went. Of coarse she said yes. He happily went with her to play on the playground while the service finished up and they could head to her house.

We made it to the hospital and admitted me. (even got one of those cool bracelets) They took me to Triage and immediately hooked me up to the heart rate monitor. Phew! Fantastic baby heart rate! We were so happy. She asked me if I would like something to drink so I asked for OJ to see if he would wake up. Minutes after my first sip he was moving and kicking. Booger. I drank my juice and lay there for 30 minutes to make sure his HR was normal and consistent. It was. The nurse said my lack was water the last few days contributed to the lack of urine this a.m.- go figure.

We were so happy! I can not imagine losing another child, especially the same week we lost the last one. I know there are no guarantees in life and I am glad we were spared this time. Afterward we went to Baja Fresh for a lovely lunch and then picked up G.

It has been a long day. I am mentally exhausted. I am thankful that both of my boys are ok and healthy. Now to get through this pregnancy in one (mental) piece.

Work

My feet hurt
My back hurts
My sciatic nerve is making my butt hurt
and my knee go out
My back aches
My head hurts

And I am tired

WORK. :(

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Does anyone local know a low cost but AMAZING labor doula they can connect me with? I finally finished Your Best Birth and am more determined than ever to have this baby on my own terms. I just need someone to help support that. Zack is great at many things, but helping me labor is not his strong suit, well massage isn't, which is what I tend to need the most of when I am laboring. If you know anyone, please email me at jsbuquet@gmail.com

Off to bed.

Thankful Thursday! 25 weeks pregnant.

Today I am Thankful for:

~ this little bun in my oven who pokes in so many directions I can't tell which part is which.

~ my midwife and my insurance company (Kaiser Permanente) and my surrounding hospitals who will allow me the RIGHT to have a Vbac (vaginal birth after cesarean). I am learning that is mostly not the case around the country.

~ having jobs. If you have been reading a while you know hubby and I were both unemployed for a while. A long while. The better part of last year. I am glad that is over. (fingers crossed and knock on wood!)

~ being the mommy of one amazing little boy who could not be any more sweet, fantastic or challenging on any given day, and to a sweet little angel baby whose birthday is coming up very quickly.

~ for living in a place that allows me to enjoy the amazing fruits grown right in my own back yard. Last night for a bed time snack I had this:
Fresh picked, bought yesterday from a local apple farm, Honey Crisp (the size of a softball!) yummy caramel and milk chocolate chips. I really wanted that apple and that got me thinking about caramel apples and it was all downhill from there!

Daddy's life

The best RIDE a boy could ask for...
1st you sit on daddy's head.

Then daddy sits up.

And you fall down his back, hooking your legs on his face, and giggle until you fall off onto the couch.

Ah, the boys in my life are too funny. I love watching them play and bond. Can't wait to add this little one (hiccuping) in my belly to the mix.

Oh to be a boy.

mind you this is facing the street on the way home from the park. oi.