PILA Month day 12

Day 12 - something you are OCD about.

Carseats. Consumer Reports sights that 4 out of 5 children's car seats are installed incorrectly. I remember the moment I became a self appointed "car seat Nazi". I was a nanny for a family with one little girl. She was 2 and one day dad asked for my car seat so he could run some errands. Mom had the other one in her car so I took the seat out of my car and put it in his. I didn't install it. I just put it on the seat in his SUV. The next morning I went to get the car seat which was still in his car. It was not buckled in- AT ALL. I asked Dad if he had unbuckled it for me? He looked at me blankly. Turns out he had not even buckled it IN. He had assumed I did all that and just put her in her seat and took off.

Luckily, nothing happened. They got home safe and sound and no one was hurt. It could have been worse. Much worse. Every day you hear stories of children in car seats installed wrong and injured or killed because of it. After that day I demanded permanent car seats in my car at every nanny job I took. Not because it's too hard to take in and out but because it just leaves too much room for error. In hindsight I should have installed the car seat myself, since I knew what I was doing. I should not have assumed Dad did. I have never assumed that since. For anyone. I don't leave that in the hands of others. My charges seats in the past or my own children's seats in the present. So ya, I'm OCD about my car seats. And I am okay with it.

For the record I recently took my car to a professional car seat technician for inspection and am happy to report that I received a gold star and 100% approval for my installation. :)

PILA Month day 8

Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry/sad.

I love this photo of me, and yet it is bittersweet. I had this photo taken when I went to the photographers studio to pick up the disk of Jonathan's only and last photos. Weeks after it was promised. I went to get the disk. I had my photo taken because it would have been a wasted trip other wise.

She "forgot" the disk. (actually, she later accidentally slipped that she had never even burned it)

I had this photo taken and a few cute-ish ones of Grayson. I ended up having to PAY to have this photo taken. $25 because it was supposed to be to for charity if you showed up for the event at the studio.

Again to get a forgotten disk was the only reason I was there...

I was supposed to get a 5x7 print for my money. I emailed the photographer numerous times to get my photo after I was told I had to pay because I showed up that night.

DISK?!

I my emails were mostly never returned.

My check was cashed- QUICK.

I finally got a hold of her and told her I wanted a 5x7 of THIS photo, not the ones of G, they were cute but I LOVE this photo. I got TWO in the mail MONTHS later of G, with a note saying how sorry she was for the wait. (18 months?!) and here was two for my trouble...

Of the WRONG photo. I still, 2 years in a few weeks, have not gotten this one. I lifted it from her website when I had the chance because sadly I knew this would happen. I am not going to slander her but I would never use her again. Or recommend her. Sad really, she could be good.

Just horrible customer service and business skills.

I did get the disk, eventually. The day OF my babies memorial after my dear friend who was supposed to have done the photos to begin with (she was shooting a wedding out of state when I planned the induction and I didn't realize until too late) went TWICE to try and coax a disk from the photographer. My friend still had to edit them all and turn them into a slide show for the memorial.

So ya, that photo makes me Angry and Sad. But I'm not bitter...

A stick in hand

My friend Heidi and her family used to split time between Portland and AZ but last summer they sold their house here and became mostly full-time AZ residents. (boo) They do visit for most of the summer though staying with family and not nearly as close as they were before.

We recently got a chance to meet up with her and her boys at Washington Park, where the old zoo used to be. (mentioned here) Her boys are just a bit older than G at 4 and 6. They were having a great time playing on the equipment and in the sandbox.

Heidi's youngest 'C' had a stick and was playing quite happily with it, not hurting anyone, when we notice a woman getting up and coming over to where we were watching the boys from. She walks over to us and asks in an accusing tone "Do you have rules for sticks or something because your son is jumping off the elephant with that stick and he's making us nervous... he's going to hurt himself of someone else". Heidi responded with something to the effect of "Thanks! He's ok." The woman apparently couldn't believe her ears because she just stared at us dumbfounded, shook her head and walked away.

Then she turns, looks at us and says quite exasperated "SEE!? He's pointing that STICK at that little boy!!" That little boy was G and he was being HANDED the stick by C. LOL Some people just can't let go. I said, "Thanks, that is my son and he doesn't look concerned so I am not either" They continued to play happily while she packed up her child, who was screaming at being dragged away for no reason.

We just shrugged.

Heidi asked if she should tell her "A stick in hand and all is grand!"

T is the one hiking up his shorts, C is in black track pants.

I figured it was best left alone. Though I really wanted to "poke the bear". I just love people like that. They make me laugh.

G after he face planted off the elephant.

Judgement

I was watching tv earlier and saw a commercial for Primetime this Friday night. It's a "What would you do?" episode and features a mother breastfeeding in a restaurant when the manager goes off on her.

I posted the times and info on Facebook so my friends would know to be able to watch it with me. We are funny like that. Everyone I *know* breastfeeds and *most* extended breast feed. It's the most natural thing there is and the fact that some people find it offensive offends me more than most things. In fact it probably ranks in the top ten of offensive things to me. People who butt their noses in and tell a nursing mother to cover up or feed elsewhere or the worst give the baby a bottle.

Almost daily I hear or read about a mother hassled. There is even a gal on facebook who started a page to go along with her documentary about breast feeding and how facebook takes photos of breastfeeding babies off the site. Stating it is offensive. Anyone who has perused FB knows that there are scantily clad (or less) woman all over, and breast feeding is really the least offensive things going on out there in internet land. Well she was proved right. Amazingly, she posted 5 photos of babies nursing and 1 photo of 5 fake boobed topless woman. Within days all of the bfing pictures were removed. What remained? You guessed it, the fake boobs.

Ironic that when one gets implants and they grow old the only thing that does remain is those perky fake boobs.

Breastfeeding is NOT obscene people.

Breasts were designed for babies nutrition. Pleasure was secondary. And as great as that is, babies need to come first. Formula will never the as beneficial to babies, no matter how hard formula companies tout that it is. It will never give babies immunity of the mother, it will never change as the baby grows always giving exactly what baby needs.

So now that I have spouted all that, the reason for this post is that whether we like it or not we all have some sort of judgments of others. It's not right or even close to okay but we all do it.
Whether its someone's parenting style, breast vs bottle, stroller vs Ergo, crib vs co-sleep. It could be as simple as how you overhear someone talk to their child. In that moment you form an opinion of how they parent all the time when really they could just be having a bad day and yell only rarely, or they could be putting on a show and beat their child behind closed doors.

The truth of the matter is that no matter what our judgments are, they are usually formed with little to no actual fact of the situation. I am the first to admit that when I walk through the mall and see a mom bottle feeding her infant I cringe. I know. It's SO rude. Does she love her child less, probably not. But I automatically think "wow, formula, sad". Who knows what has happened in their situation. She could have had her baby early and not been able to get her milk in properly. I know mine didn't come in after Jonathan at 27 weeks. And I know other woman who had babies that early, and they didn't get their milk in either, and yet they HAD babies to feed. That mother in the mall could have been on major meds that are bad for her baby or maybe she worked and pumping was not accommodated at her work place. (while it is illegal in Oregon to not accommodate breastfeeding mother, they DO NOT have to make it easy. I was VERY worried about this when I was planning on going back to T) Yet she is still doing the best that she can with what she has. And still I go there in my head.

And I am sure there are thoughts directed at me when I nurse in public. I don't cover my child, ever. Never have and never will. So could a breast possibly be seen, sure maybe. If you stood over my shoulder, usually not if you are looking at me directly. I have had people in my life ask me how long I planned to nurse, as if my 3 month old needed to be weaned. I have been told I should wean when teeth were had. Grayson got teeth at 4 months.

I keep waiting for someone in public to say something to me. I have comebacks all worked out and ready to go in my head. Like: (can't you do that somewhere else- like the bathroom?) "Um, sure, how about you take your lunch in there and I will follow." That is an oldie but a goodie. as well as (can't you cover up?) " sure when you put a blanket on your head to eat" or "did you know it's very hot and suffocating under a blanket? Here let me show you..." {people hate it when you get in there personal space. :)} or my favorite (I can see your breast, could you do that *later*/ elsewhere) Oh really? *FLASH BREASTS NOW!*

LOL. Sorry. Sometimes I can't help myself.

But alas, I have never had a chance to use these fun bits. I either have a) "I'm a bitch, do NOT approach" or b) "perfect parent, no advice needed" tattooed on my forehead. I'm leaning toward the former. :) So far in my 20 cumulative months of breastfeeding I have only had positive feedback.

Once when we were in Sunriver (OR) for the insurance agency state conference I was nursing G in the hallway outside the hall of the award ceremony and two different woman came up to me to tell me how proud they were to see me nursing and doing it with such confidence.

Well thank you I said.

It really wasn't optional.

That isn't to say I haven't had struggles, I have. I almost lost my milk completely when G was 5 months old. I tried everything, at one point taking up to 17 herb capsules a day. I finally was able to acquire a Rx for Dompiredone, a compounded Rx that aids in milk production. (It's not FDA approved though so it's hard to come by. I am lucky and have a compound pharmacy in my town, otherwise you have to get it over the internet from New Zealand) Turned out I was having supply issues due to the mini pill. Guess I am the 5%. It took another 7 months of struggles to figure it out though.

So what was my point here? Crap. Oh ya, Judgment.

Good ol' judgment. We all do it. And we all, well some of us, try not to and work on not doing it and still fall short.

And yet... breast is best and that's all there is to it! Just sayin'.

(Hey, its my blog and I'll say what I want!)