oh so sad

What happens when you start with a 21' Christmas tree. Subtract 2 feet from the top and a foot or two off the bottom.

Now attempt to get it in the house and in the stand.

Subtract 4-5' from bottom and ADD back on the 2' from the top.
(with wire)

At first this math works out to a gorgeous tree.
BUT

Eventually it ends up looking like this

Yup that is the top 2' dangling because it not longer drinks the water we provide.
obviously.
It is also brown. Luckily it is SO far up there you can barely tell that part. :)

Merry Christmas from our 16' Charlie brown tree!

*Zack did get back on the ladder and rewire it straight so it would look normal again.

Ho Ho, in the flesh!

Yesterday we decided to go to the mall and visit Santa. We had visited once before when we met a friend at the mall play area for a play date last month. He was a great Santa and since we had not dressed up for the occasion, I really wanted to get back for a proper picture.

Here is G waiting patiently in line.
For an hour and half.

Notice he is wearing his super hero cape from last Christmas.
We just unpinned it from being too long!

Finally he got his turn. He hopped right up on Santa's lap and told him he wanted a candy cane for Christmas.
AGAIN.
(he said the same thing last time)

Santa finally got him to say he'd like a "special present- maybe a race car!"
Then they hugged and G hopped off and out we went.

And on the way home he fell asleep.
Hey, even a Superhero has to sleep!

a Kitchen for Grayson!

I can't remember if I blogged it or not but last year Zack started to work on a play kitchen for Grayson.
One thing led to another and it just didn't get finished. Saturday, he finally finished it. I LOVE how it looks and can't wait to see Grayson's face when he gets to play with it Christmas morning. :) I am so proud of my handy hubby!

Thank you!

Dear "Santa's Helper",
Thank you for the money you sent.
It was a very sweet surprise and we are thankful and always in awe of the kindness of "strangers" and loved ones a like.


(I blog this because I have a feeling its someone who reads.
And without a signature or return address I cannot properly thank them.)

(Also, if you were the person who sent the chocolate covered strawberries after we returned home from having Jonathan I am still thankful for that kind gesture and it still bothers me that I cannot properly thank you.)

If either one of you would like to come out of the wood work so I can thank you properly, that would be lovely! ~J

Its all about the boxes

yes that is a stool on Zack's shoulder and blocks in his lap.

Ruffles and Ruffles

A while back I saw this tutorial for this skirt. It was a freeby but now you have to pay for the pdf.
Here is the original blog skirt- I think. Here is a less detailed one too.
I got inspired. It is SO cute and I am a sucker for ruffles!

(Please Universe let me have a girl someday. amen.)

So what have we here? A pile of ruffles. Oh yes!

And here is the almost finished skirt.

Tada! All done. I hope Sophie likes it. She got it for her 6th birthday the 24th.

Thanful Thursday- Saturday edition. :)

Sorry this is a bit delayed. Thursday was my LOOOONG day this week. I worked my nanny job from 11-430 then ran G home to Zack and went to Target from 515-midnight. Very long day indeed. I had no chance or will to blog. Yesterday I worked my nanny job* then ran home and finished Sophie's skirt. {more on that tomorrow}

So without further delay! Today I am Thankful for:
1. Being in my 37th week of pregnancy. I officially have 26 days left (but whose counting!?) until my EDD. I have still only gained about 5 lbs. My midwife assures us he is growing fine. Have I told you lately I am DONE. I am so ready for him to get out! :)

2. My very generous father and Zack's very generous mother. Between the two and their very helpful monetary gifts for Christmas I am not feeling as weighed down to work so hard (40-60 hours lately.) Nor am I am worried about going immediately back to work at T was soon as baby is born. I was planning only a 2 week "maternity leave", now it will be more like a month to 6 weeks, unless Zack gets a job. THANK YOU VERY MUCH! We really appreciate it.

3. T and their team member relief fund. I always knew that T was generous in the community and I asked our HR if there was any help for team members. Turns out there is a one time gift of up to $500. We applied and received $400. That also helps a ton.

4.* My nanny family. I worked late on Thursday and then got a text message the next morning that I wasn't needed until 11, instead of 730. And they came to our house. We made "gingerbread" houses out of graham crackers. I later found out when their mom, Lesley, picked them up that she partly had me start late because I had worked so late. So thank you.

5. On the same note. Thank you Lesley and Sam for the generous gift of an extra week of paid maternity leave. I now have a full month off.

So I guess there are really angels watching out for us right now. I am feeling the holiday spirit more than ever this holiday season. Thank you to everyone who has helped a little or a lot. We really appreciate it and know that this bump in our road is mearly that. We will get through this and we better for it. And for that I am Thankful.

A hat for Hotdog

I wanted to make this hat for Hotdog. Our of this lovely green yarn I had laying around.


I set out. Made a gauge (which I have never bothered with!) and adjusted my needles down for the thicker yarn.

And yet... this is what I ended up with.

It fits me and Zack around (with room!) and G too
though its the height of a baby head.

Doh!

I emailed some friends to see if there was anything to do... I didn't wait for a reply. This is Hotdog's hat now.

I have high hopes of getting it finished but so far I have cast on (about 2/3 the pattern) and that is it. :( Someday...

*Update* Fall from Grace

Yesterday Zack made all appropriate calls to the lawyer(s) etc who is handling the wage garnishment. They were able to stop the bank account one, which would have yielded little anyway since we wiped it out, but they were not able to stop my Target wages from being garnished. I guess they can only take a certain portion (anything over $170 a week is fair game I guess) So for 90 days I will watch as they take part of my check.

Don't get me wrong. Its not like we don't want to pay our debts. They are ours after all. But unfortunately, unless I win the lottery it just isn't going to happen right now. We can not afford to pay the bills from the failed business and life during Zack's (previous) unemployment and live our life with heat, water and food. We just can't. So after 90 days we will work out a payment plan, which we tried to do but because the garnishment was already in place we were unable to do.

I am feeling better the last 2 days. Not exactly hopeful but better. I know I have many things to be thankful for. Many blessings that are HUGE. I totally know that. But sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel seems SO far off!

I was thinking yesterday about how at the beginning of 2009 everyone (friends family and random readers alike) were commenting that 2009 was going to be our year and it was going to be so much better... and that was a YEAR ago!!! I can't even believe it. Where did the year go? REALLY? WHERE?! I have no idea. I know when I think back I know I lived it (or worked it away I am not sure more of which) but really, how did that happen so fast?

I feel like I was sleep walking through 2009.

Fall from grace.

3 am. That is what time I woke up this morning. I have been tossing and turning for over an hour. I guess the stress and pressure is just too much right now. And wouldn't you know it I am supposed to work both jobs today- starting at 730 ending at 11 pm. ugh.

Do you ever feel like you are chasing your tail? Like no matter what you do you are stuck in groundhog day?

Two days ago we got a wage garnishment notice in the mail from one of the credit card companies we owe from last year when Zack was unemployed. What I didn't realize when I read it, the sinking feeling filling my stomach, is that they had already put in to our bank to start pulling. Zack found that out when he called the lawyer for the CC company. He ran to the bank and pulled out what was not already paid to bills. Hopefully they don't take that before it comes out. Hopefully they don't get to Target before we work it out.

They might be willing to work out a payment plan. They won't know until today. We have been supposed to file bankruptcy for a year. But it costs money. Now there is a catch 22! We don't have money. And now with the mortgage modification pending we have to wait until its finalized or they can take the house. Joy. Just keeps getting better and better.

I can feel a huge mental breakdown on the horizon for me. I hate the pit in my stomach I have come to know. I hate the fact that everything is on me right now. And I am about to give birth any second. Then what? Who carries it then? I know much is out of my control, but I feel like the universe has once again taken a giant crap on our family. When does it end? When is enough, enough? I don't know if there are enough meds in the world to head off what I feel is coming if something doesn't give soon.

If the universe is trying to break my spirit it just might be working. I am barely holding it together right now. I am one of those people who puts on the brave face and makes it work. The "just keep swimming" sort. I carry the load and make it work. I act like its all fine and things will work out. And sometimes I even believe myself. Until I can't. Then I fall to pieces. In a soggy blubbering mess of tears.

So here I sit at 430 in the morning blogging to the world, the universe PLEADING to just let up! Please! I don't know how much more I can take.

Thankful Thursday! 35 weeks.

Today I am Thankful for:

1. Being 35 weeks pregnant. He seems to be growing well, he feels HUGE to me... but then again when your middle third has a life of its own it tends to feel HUGE so I am not a good judge I guess. Hard to believe that I could have this baby in the next few weeks and by the end of January he will be here for sure. Ready or not!

2. My friend Di, who helped me paint the base coat on Hotdog's room. I hope to get the mural done before he is here, but *ahem* is all up to Geneva's schedule (no pressure! :P really!) Pics to follow when its finished.

3. My hubby is doing such a nice job of keeping the house tidy and clean. I could not do that on top of working 50 (average) hours a week. It looks gorgeous when I come home and it makes me very happy. I feel so much more stress when my house is in chaos.

4. My hubby and son for doing the Christmas decorating (most of it) while I was working. (Makes me a little sad but I just don't have time for everything I would like to do.) They did a great job and its lovely!

5. That no matter what happens in the next few weeks I know we will be ok. Things might get worse before they get better but we always float back up. I guess it just makes that saying true... Hope floats. :)

Apparently

He likes my belly button!

Christmas Decor 09

I know I may have to join Christmas Decorators Anonymous but here is our Christmas tour of 09!

One of my favorite pieces, my antique tea cart, with a tiny fraction of the village.

When I was a kid my mom had a tree like this, but it got broken. After Zack and I got married I found someone online and had one made.

These Princess house hurricane lamps my Nana gave me for my birthday when I was 19 (I think), another fave.

Our little artificial tree- complete with pine tree air freshener. :)

And the stockings were hung by the stair case with care...

Grayson calls our advent calendar his "coo-coo clock"- I love Grayson-isms.


The living room where the big tree resides, dwarfing our furniture and room.

The big tree in its full glory. Well not really since I am using my iphone... too lazy to go find the real camera I have not pulled out in months.



looking up into the big tree from the floor.



I am also joining The Tip Junkie's virtual home tour, go check out everyone else's amazing decor she has posted over there!

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas tree!

For the last two Christmases and last Saturday we have hopped in our mini van and headed up to a friend and former client of Zack's, Randy and Stephanie's house. They have a lovely tree farm. They originally bought the property to be closer to Stephanie's parents, and not wanting the trees tried to buy it without the them. The seller wouldn't go for it. So every year they let a select few come to pick out their trees. (its not open to the public) We feel very blessed to be a part of those select few. The trees are gorgeous! And Randy and Stephanie are very generous to sell them for $20.

This year we must have lost our minds or something because we picked a HUGE tree. Not that last year's was anything to sneeze at, but this one is bigger. 21' when we cut it down and tried to haul it up the hill to the van. And that was only the beginning of the adventure.

the men folk getting ready to cut the one we picked out.

Grayson watching with me. Did I mention it was 25 degrees out that day! burrr.

Monkey and me.

TIMBER!

Whoops, it fell the wrong way! It was supposed to fall between the two trees next to it, but that would be too easy. Instead it fell ON one of those trees... it was then that Zack realized his major mistake with this tree.

It is SO heavy. They didn't realize that the trunk is at least double the one from last year. Making it almost impossible to move. Last years, Zack and Randy carried it up the hill and Zack put it in the house himself. Not so much for this one.

This one they had to get the truck for. (Randy said this is a first)
Then they pulled the truck as close as they could to the van and rolled the tree over Zack and onto the van.


Once we got it home the adventure continued. We asked our neighbor Tom to help carry it in. Tom and Zack= bad idea. They should have asked a few other neighbors- or an army. There was much grunting. The chandelier was caught. I uncaught it with the broom. Then the broom got caught. Oi. Got that unstuck. Meanwhile the tree- in the stand- was slid along the wood floor (scratttttchhhhh(s) bumped into the wall to the dining room (scrattttttcccchhhh(s) and then bounced off the chandelier again .
Finally, they got it upright enough to tighten the stand. Except that remember I mentioned the trunk was HUGE? Ya, they got it up and it stripped out one of the sides of screws in the stand (which was supposedly for a tree up to 10' tall- oops- we were about 18'1.5" at this point with trimming. But it was the only one Zack could find when he went to get one when we got home from getting the tree)

So its up. Finally. I took this picture. Notice Zack dead on the floor (have I mentioned he has a bad back?!) I walked over to it and he asked me to shake it to make sure its sturdy. I did then let go. Zack gasped as it fell over, I "caught" it. Mind you this tree weighs somewhere in the hundreds of pounds. (and I am 8 months pregnant!)
I was supposed to be getting ready for work so I told Zack it would need to rest against the wall/ windows until we could get more help, obviously I could not hold it all night! We propped it against the wall and I went to work.

I made him promise not to do anything with it until he got help. I also told him if I came home and it was shorter I would be okay with that! :)

A few hours later I got photo in a text message

As I recall he promised he would not do anything alone... he lied. He cut a few feet off... BY HIMSELF! Then lowered it back into the stand. He swears it wasn't heavy by that point.

Delirious maybe.

He also wired the point back on! He had cut it off to get it in the house. It looks great now.
Decorated tree pics in the next post...

Kindness matters

photo borrowed from www.stjameseatontown.org

What does it mean to be poor?

After talking to my friend, C yesterday I started thinking about that. We talked about the families on those giving trees and how to best help them and the ways her church is helping families in need this season. Zack and I (until this year and last- when we just had no extra) have always donated our time, money and/ or goods to some sort of organization.

We saw true poverty some of those years. People who work the farms in our surrounding areas come to mind, living on top of one another in tiny shacks with paper thin walls and no insulation and a small space heater for heat. We would take the children the bike or whatever they had asked for. The hardest part was the children's faces who were receiving nothing from us. We didn't get to decide who received what, just delivered the goods. And yet we felt the guilt.

This year is no different. I feel the guilt. I have a home. With heat. And it's bigger than many families will ever know. I know how blessed I am, how quickly it can all go away. And yet... I feel guilty.

In the last two days I have received two very generous emails from lovely woman I don't even know offering to send Grayson toys for Christmas. To help fill any void with a baby coming. And while I feel so grateful and loved, I feel guilty even considering taking their kind offers. I know there is a much greater need out there than ours/ mine.

My child wants for nothing. Not that we have ever rushed out and bought him everything, but I planned well: buying used almost always and waiting for sales when not. We also have the luck of a few generous grandparents. Grayson will not care what is under his tree this year. He will unwrap "things". I stocked up on pj's he needs and some other clothes and a few toys at the last resale out town had. And as most of you know I make most everything else anyway.

But ultimately he will want for nothing because it's SO not about "things". It's about the love of family and friends. (and the boxes the toys come in!) It's about the kindness of strangers and being kind to your neighbor. He will help me bake cookies and goodies and help us deliver them to friends and mail them to family. He will see the faces of those who receive and I hope in his life that is what he remembers.

That kindness matters.

I have always felt that if you had a good husband/ wife who loves you and children to love and be proud of and all of your basic needs met then you were pretty rich.

So for those reasons, we are not poor. Our bills may be stressful and we may have no idea what will happen once the baby is here and I'm not working( if Zack doesn't have a job) but really it doesn't matter. At the end of my life I won't care about bills or money. I will care about the smiles I left on peoples faces and the people who love me.

I hope they are both far and wide.

Please, be generous with your neighbor this season. Give where you can. I will be donating some toys to children in need as well. Because I am not poor where it counts. And the rest is just money.

Thankful Thursday! 34 weeks.

Now that is a big belly!

Today I am Thankful for
1. being 34 weeks pregnant... and hopefully only having 6 weeks or less to go. It feels like I have been pregnant for-EVER!
Probably because of how it went with Jonathan. At the end of the day we had empty arms. This almost feels like a continuation of that. I am glad we can see the end in sight.

2. for the kindness of strangers. You know who you are. Thank you.

3. The holiday season. I love it. Even working retail. Even being pregnant working retail. :)

4. My friend Corie for lending me her ornaments for my big tree this year (and the last 2) Our tree would be very naked (actually we just wouldn't have one) if it were not for her and her generosity.

5. Our tree source who sells us an 18' tree (or whatever we end up picking- this weekend post to come) for $20. It truly is a blessing.

Pregnancy Stats:
weight gain~ 6 lbs
new stretch marks~ 0
vericose veins~ 0
sciatic nerve~ Alive and well and rearing its ugly head mostly on the left now that he is head down.
hip displacement~a little calmer since I have been seeing a massage therapist.


Now if someone would tell my child that he is in a small cramped short stay motel room rather than the roomy presidential suite that would be great. :P