Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas tree!

For the last two Christmases and last Saturday we have hopped in our mini van and headed up to a friend and former client of Zack's, Randy and Stephanie's house. They have a lovely tree farm. They originally bought the property to be closer to Stephanie's parents, and not wanting the trees tried to buy it without the them. The seller wouldn't go for it. So every year they let a select few come to pick out their trees. (its not open to the public) We feel very blessed to be a part of those select few. The trees are gorgeous! And Randy and Stephanie are very generous to sell them for $20.

This year we must have lost our minds or something because we picked a HUGE tree. Not that last year's was anything to sneeze at, but this one is bigger. 21' when we cut it down and tried to haul it up the hill to the van. And that was only the beginning of the adventure.

the men folk getting ready to cut the one we picked out.

Grayson watching with me. Did I mention it was 25 degrees out that day! burrr.

Monkey and me.

TIMBER!

Whoops, it fell the wrong way! It was supposed to fall between the two trees next to it, but that would be too easy. Instead it fell ON one of those trees... it was then that Zack realized his major mistake with this tree.

It is SO heavy. They didn't realize that the trunk is at least double the one from last year. Making it almost impossible to move. Last years, Zack and Randy carried it up the hill and Zack put it in the house himself. Not so much for this one.

This one they had to get the truck for. (Randy said this is a first)
Then they pulled the truck as close as they could to the van and rolled the tree over Zack and onto the van.


Once we got it home the adventure continued. We asked our neighbor Tom to help carry it in. Tom and Zack= bad idea. They should have asked a few other neighbors- or an army. There was much grunting. The chandelier was caught. I uncaught it with the broom. Then the broom got caught. Oi. Got that unstuck. Meanwhile the tree- in the stand- was slid along the wood floor (scratttttchhhhh(s) bumped into the wall to the dining room (scrattttttcccchhhh(s) and then bounced off the chandelier again .
Finally, they got it upright enough to tighten the stand. Except that remember I mentioned the trunk was HUGE? Ya, they got it up and it stripped out one of the sides of screws in the stand (which was supposedly for a tree up to 10' tall- oops- we were about 18'1.5" at this point with trimming. But it was the only one Zack could find when he went to get one when we got home from getting the tree)

So its up. Finally. I took this picture. Notice Zack dead on the floor (have I mentioned he has a bad back?!) I walked over to it and he asked me to shake it to make sure its sturdy. I did then let go. Zack gasped as it fell over, I "caught" it. Mind you this tree weighs somewhere in the hundreds of pounds. (and I am 8 months pregnant!)
I was supposed to be getting ready for work so I told Zack it would need to rest against the wall/ windows until we could get more help, obviously I could not hold it all night! We propped it against the wall and I went to work.

I made him promise not to do anything with it until he got help. I also told him if I came home and it was shorter I would be okay with that! :)

A few hours later I got photo in a text message

As I recall he promised he would not do anything alone... he lied. He cut a few feet off... BY HIMSELF! Then lowered it back into the stand. He swears it wasn't heavy by that point.

Delirious maybe.

He also wired the point back on! He had cut it off to get it in the house. It looks great now.
Decorated tree pics in the next post...

Kindness matters

photo borrowed from www.stjameseatontown.org

What does it mean to be poor?

After talking to my friend, C yesterday I started thinking about that. We talked about the families on those giving trees and how to best help them and the ways her church is helping families in need this season. Zack and I (until this year and last- when we just had no extra) have always donated our time, money and/ or goods to some sort of organization.

We saw true poverty some of those years. People who work the farms in our surrounding areas come to mind, living on top of one another in tiny shacks with paper thin walls and no insulation and a small space heater for heat. We would take the children the bike or whatever they had asked for. The hardest part was the children's faces who were receiving nothing from us. We didn't get to decide who received what, just delivered the goods. And yet we felt the guilt.

This year is no different. I feel the guilt. I have a home. With heat. And it's bigger than many families will ever know. I know how blessed I am, how quickly it can all go away. And yet... I feel guilty.

In the last two days I have received two very generous emails from lovely woman I don't even know offering to send Grayson toys for Christmas. To help fill any void with a baby coming. And while I feel so grateful and loved, I feel guilty even considering taking their kind offers. I know there is a much greater need out there than ours/ mine.

My child wants for nothing. Not that we have ever rushed out and bought him everything, but I planned well: buying used almost always and waiting for sales when not. We also have the luck of a few generous grandparents. Grayson will not care what is under his tree this year. He will unwrap "things". I stocked up on pj's he needs and some other clothes and a few toys at the last resale out town had. And as most of you know I make most everything else anyway.

But ultimately he will want for nothing because it's SO not about "things". It's about the love of family and friends. (and the boxes the toys come in!) It's about the kindness of strangers and being kind to your neighbor. He will help me bake cookies and goodies and help us deliver them to friends and mail them to family. He will see the faces of those who receive and I hope in his life that is what he remembers.

That kindness matters.

I have always felt that if you had a good husband/ wife who loves you and children to love and be proud of and all of your basic needs met then you were pretty rich.

So for those reasons, we are not poor. Our bills may be stressful and we may have no idea what will happen once the baby is here and I'm not working( if Zack doesn't have a job) but really it doesn't matter. At the end of my life I won't care about bills or money. I will care about the smiles I left on peoples faces and the people who love me.

I hope they are both far and wide.

Please, be generous with your neighbor this season. Give where you can. I will be donating some toys to children in need as well. Because I am not poor where it counts. And the rest is just money.

Thankful Thursday! 34 weeks.

Now that is a big belly!

Today I am Thankful for
1. being 34 weeks pregnant... and hopefully only having 6 weeks or less to go. It feels like I have been pregnant for-EVER!
Probably because of how it went with Jonathan. At the end of the day we had empty arms. This almost feels like a continuation of that. I am glad we can see the end in sight.

2. for the kindness of strangers. You know who you are. Thank you.

3. The holiday season. I love it. Even working retail. Even being pregnant working retail. :)

4. My friend Corie for lending me her ornaments for my big tree this year (and the last 2) Our tree would be very naked (actually we just wouldn't have one) if it were not for her and her generosity.

5. Our tree source who sells us an 18' tree (or whatever we end up picking- this weekend post to come) for $20. It truly is a blessing.

Pregnancy Stats:
weight gain~ 6 lbs
new stretch marks~ 0
vericose veins~ 0
sciatic nerve~ Alive and well and rearing its ugly head mostly on the left now that he is head down.
hip displacement~a little calmer since I have been seeing a massage therapist.


Now if someone would tell my child that he is in a small cramped short stay motel room rather than the roomy presidential suite that would be great. :P

Grayson-isms

(update at bottom)

I love this age because G is so vocal yet he makes up his own stuff too.
For example:
"Ho-Ho" is Santa.

his "Ho-Ho" suit (giant stocking)

his "marble" (snow globe)

"you happy?" he asks this no less than 5 times a day. We think it started because when he is naughty I tell him "that behavior does NOT make Mommy happy."

Needless to say this boy provides hours of entertainment. I love watching him learn and discover his world.

*UPDATE*
Tonight we were walking through Dollar Tree looking for things for G's advent calendar and Grayson was on Zack's shoulders. Zack picked up a puzzle book and threw it toward the cart. He missed and muttered "oh Damnit" under his breath with a giggle...

Wouldn't you know it, moments later, Grayson said "Daddy said "oh Damnit" in the cutest little baby voice he has. We could not stop laughing. So he repeated it again... and again... until I told him that it was not a kid word, just a (naughty) daddy word. Oi.

Here we go!

Thanksgiving- Thankful Thursday!

Now that is a gorgeous bird.

This afternoon we went to my friend Bonnie's parents house for Thanksgiving dinner. They live in Vancouver Wa and it was a lovely time. They are closest thing to family I have locally and its nice to spend time with them.

Today started out a little rough though. I worked at T yesterday from 3pm until 235 am. Yes, you read that right. It was a very long day/night. We were setting up for Black Friday. A day I will be avoiding except to go to work. I woke up and started cooking. To be honest something I planned on doing but that I hoped would already be done or started. I was a little grumpy. I made fresh cranberry orange sauce, sweet potato and pecan casserole, as well as a pickle and olive platter. Nothing super hard or tedious.

I guess I was just mostly feeling sorry for myself. On the worst day of all days to be doing that. Throughout the day I thought of things that I am thankful for. There are the obvious things: my son, my husband, our health, a healthy tummy baby, my home.

But to go beyond the obvious is a little harder right now. And then I read my aunt Trish's blog. It got me thinking about the smaller things. The things that have mattered to me in my life. While mine isn't filled with siblings (I wish) its all things that sometimes go untold of their importance.

I am thankful for the relationship I have with my dad. We were not always close. In fact if he had to recall my teen years he might (still) blame me for his gray hairs. But in the last few years we have both tried to establish more of a friendship and now I enjoy talking to him. I enjoy it when he visits, when we go down to his house in San Diego. I love watching him with Grayson and how he is with my babies. That is something that has always struck me. No matter how rough he seemed, how angry he could become, if there was a baby around he was pure mush (don't tell him I told you ;) and babies love him. When Grayson was tiny and he visited right after his birth he would hold him for hours. Or just want him to sleep on the couch next to him.

My friend, Diana, in a chance meeting right before she moved out of her apartment and we were just relocating into ours we became friends. That was 7 years and much history ago. She is the friend I can call in the middle of the night, the one who comes to the hospital day or night to sneak me cookies and rub my back while I attempt to deliver a baby, the one who rescues me when I need rescuing and don't even know it.

I am thankful for the area we live in. Many people gasp when they find out we moved from San Diego to Portland and CHOSE to do so. San Diego is gorgeous but not if you know it as well I we do. There are many down sides, the amount of people moving there for the sun is merely one of them. We moved to Portland in October 2002 with no jobs and no prospects. We're crazy like that. And we have never looked back. There are times I wish family was closer, like today but mostly I love where we live. The friends we have made. When I drive over any one of the bridges in Portland and look at the many others I feel at home. I know this is where we are supposed to be and that is a good feeling.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't try to remind myself how good I have it. Yes, things have happened lately and in the last two years that have sucked. Yes, some are horrible. But you know what? Everyone has a story. It isn't just me or us. There is not a thing in this life that is going to take me down without a fight. I have always been a fighter. For good or for bad, that's who I am. And for that I am thankful...

And if I had to put a song to my life right now I would pick this one.
Sounds like life to me too.

Oh, and I am 33 weeks pregnant today!

Hospital birth tour

To this point I have said I plan to labor at home to the best of my ability at which point I will transfer to the hospital I have chosen to deliver our beautiful son. And while that is still the case, after our hospital tour today I am not as scared to go in a little earlier.

I have previously given birth at St. Vincent one of the biggest hospitals in the area, which has the largest labor and delivery (L&D from here on out) units in the Pacific Northwest. It was fine (if you don't count how long I was in labor the lack of actual support from the staff and ALL the medical intervention that was forced given to me.) I would not recommend that hospital to most of my friends. The Dr's and Midwifes and most of the nurses were competent and nice, some were even great. (if you still read- you know who you are. :)

But I am actually excited about going to Kaiser Sunnyside to give birth.

When we were pregnant with Grayson we asked about a hospital tour. We were told there was a tour but it was a video and the tour stopped outside the L&D doors. WHAT?! How does one tour the L&D from a video? I for one was not satisfied with that. Zack and I showed up one day when I was pretty sure our midwife was going to be there and asked her if we could have an informal tour, which she gave us. We skipped the video.

Kaiser Sunnyside, ah Sunnyside. The tour is a TOUR! You meet in the lobby and the guide walks you all around the newly remodeled spaces. We went into the L&D and postpardum unit and everything in between. Here is what a L&D room looks like:

minus all the lamps and fake flowers. The guide said they have birth balls (we had to take our own, the other hospital said the "probably" had one but had "no idea where they were"- um okay. ) and squat bars for use with the beds. (other hospital didn't offer these to our knowledge)
Yay! She also said they will let you birth using the squat bar or whatever is MOST comfortable for YOU! I am in awe and shock. I almost cried. I knew the Sunnyside had a lower Csection rate (24% vs 34+% at the other last I checked) and that it was more of a freestanding birth center feel but I was pleasantly shocked!

The staff that greeted us was friendly and warm. And it was so quiet! That was one thing that really stood out to us. Other hospital delivers more than 6000 births a year. Sunnyside is closer to 2000 a year. It was lovely quiet. No hustle and bustle.

There is a fridge in everyroom and a jetted walk-in soaking tub for mommy use. Lovely! And smaller baths/showers in most rooms. I think best of all for Zack is there was NO air duct above the "partner" bed. :) He hated that about the other hospital. It was miserable. Mostly cold air blowing right in his face any time he tried to sleep.

The only downside I can see is that SS is on the other side of town, about 45 minutes away without traffic. :(

Anyway, I am very excited to deliver this little guy and not one bit scared. I KNOW my body and baby can do this. We will do great! Now if I could just find a doula (still have no solid leads! RUTH CALL ME!) And if I could talk him into staying in there through January so I can work a little longer. I am not ready to not have any money coming in. :( Hopefully Zack gets a job quickly!

Wish me luck!

And then life happens

Zack came home yesterday with sad news. He got laid off. AGAIN. 8 weeks before our baby is due. 1 week before Thanksgiving.

With NO severance.

And he still can't get unemployment. Grr.
60 hour work weeks here I come. I may be MIA for a while... I don't think I'll have much time otherwise for a while but I'll try to check in from time to time, to keep my sanity.

Thankful Thursday- 32 weeks

Sorry I have been MIA again. I have had a cold this week. So on top of working 40 hours I am just pooped. I am starting to feel better now so hopefully I will be keeping up better.

Today I am Thankful for:
1. The Dansko shoes my friend gave me. I wore them on Tuesday all day at home. I woke of Wednesday pain free! I have not had a pain free day in months! If I had known exactly how comfy and helpful they were I would have invested in the beginning!

2. Having 56 days to go before I am due for hotdog to join our family! (Doula Ruth if you are reading this please call me 809-9922!)

3. My family. Especially the little monkey who loves nothing more than to be a "magic man" right now. We recently saw a magician and he was mesmerized. It makes me happy to hear him say abrah kadabrah!

4. That Christmas is right a right around the corner. I can't wait to decorate! Christmas is my favorite holiday.

5. Having jobs. This time last year neither of us was employed. Its very stressful to be unemployed!

Thursday Thankful-31 weeks

I can't believe I am 31 weeks! It's crazy. Partly because I didn't get this far with Jonathan, partly because it seems like yesterday I was finding out I was pregnant. I guess it also feels like I've been pregnant for an eternity. :)

Today I am Thankful for:
1. My healthy child, my Angel baby and my "hotdog" on the way. My boys amaze me. I love them more than they will ever know.

2. Dear friends, both online and in real life, new and old. They all have been amazing in my life and I am SO thankful for their friendship.

3. Being able to read. Isn't that something we all take for granted? I am an avid reader, always have been and I can't imagine not being able to read and write and increase my knowledge just because I can and want to.

4. My freedom. This should go at the top but since there is no particular order I'll leave it. We are free to live as we choose (and blog!) because men and woman and their families of this great country sacrifice for us every day. It's a shame how easily we forget this luxury and privilege and basic human right that all should have.

5. My darling husband. He works so hard for our family and I am always so proud of him.

Loss

This summer I was contacted by a lovely woman who through a friend of a friend or something we knew each other. We had grown up in the same town and had many mutual friends. We also had something else in common. We had both lost a child and both of us to Anencephaly. She had no idea her first baby, a little girl had the neural tube defect.

Instead one day, at 21 weeks pregnant her water spontaneously broke. She went into labor the next morning after a level two Ultra sound and delivered her daughter not long after. She never held her daughter, never named her. It all just happened too fast. We have maintained our friendship and chat occasionally on Facebook and such. She is lovely and I wish her all the best!

Yesterday, I was happily chatting with some online friends and someone mentioned a SIDS death in the gdiaper community. Its another online chat I belong to but that I have not frequented in a while. I hopped over to show some support to Rebecca, the Mama in this horrible story. I shared with her our story and a link to my Jonathan slide shows in case she wanted to utilize NILMDTS.

There are many things people have in common, the loss of a child is one of the worst I think there is. Noone wants to start a conversation with "Hi, my name is __ and my child died too" but sometimes it has to be done. When I was going through the journey with Jonathan I had the amazing support of Krista and Jon, who had already been through it with their little girl Candace about a year before me. Krista was amazing at guiding me when I felt lost. She helped me see light at the end of a very dark tunnel.

I hope to be there in the same way for someone else at some point. I reached out to Rebecca who lost her son to SIDS on Tuesday. Turns out she lives in my area (as does Krista) and I plan to attend the visiting hours on Saturday with some other gdiaper community members to show our support. If nothing else, we want her to feel our presence and love surrounding her.

If you are able this family is having a hard time getting together the funds for the funeral and everything. He husband lost his job when she was pregnant. No one plans for their 4 month old to suddenly die, there just isn't extra money for this.
Here is her link.

Christmas

I guess I can't help myself either. Christmas it seems is right around the corner, whether I like it or not.
NOT for the record.

Today Grayson and I started our handmade Christmas cards. Here is a sneak peak. They are really cute and I can't wait to send them out!

If you would like to be on the mailing list (and know you aren't already) please email me at jsbuquet@gmail.com

I love to share our holiday cards so even if we have not met IRL, I'd love to swap cards!

That time of year again?!

The Saturday after Halloween I arrived at work bright and early (8) to find I now worked in a winter wonderland... If you have been inside one of these stores lately you also know that hangning from the ceilings is DOZENS of these giant snowflakes. DOZENS. In November! Along with more Merry Christmas signs. In November!

Poor Turkey. No love for the Turkey
apparently.

I am so not ready for the holidays, least of all THAT one... Sigh

Thankful Thurday- 30 weeks pregnant!

See the far left corner of the building? Ya, take that line and wrap it around that and bring it back to about the same point one the other side and that is the line I stood in Tuesday night for the h1n1 vaccination. Luckily, I was somewhere in the middle of what it ended up being, otherwise I would have waited over 3 hours for nothing.

I got into the building to hear someone say that they were running low on the shot version. If you can take the nasal spray please do. Pregnant woman can't I am told because it is the live virus and more likely to make you sick, being pregnant your defenses are down anyway. I had already chosen the nasal for Grayson but seeing the line weaving in front of me I wasn't feeling all that comforted.

I normally don't really worry about vaccinations. In fact I would prefer not to vax for most things but my husband refuses to allow this as an option (and I also believe herd immunity has gotten us where we are today with many fatal diseases being mostly wiped out) so G is vax'ed and our future children will be as well.

This flu originally had me laughing, haha, pandemic whatever! But I have a good friend whose husband is the Infectious Disease Expert for Oregon. I said when he was worried I would be too. He got worried. He passed along that I should get the shot. After reading that 27% of pregnant woman who enter the hospital with h1n1 (they have not really seen the seasonal flu so if you have the flu it's more than likely h1n1) don't come back out... I was convinced. Couple that with being a cashier at Target who has had a HUGE portion of people come through my line with some form of cough and cold medicine... you can see how I would end up in that line.

I tried to get it from my Dr. they ran out the day before I came in for an apt. Costco was kind enough to supply my seasonal vax (another 2 hour line- with 2 boys that day! KILL ME NOW)
Anyway, I ended up getting the vax last night but only because I had a guardian Angel on my shoulder. I sat down to talk to the "counselor" to make sure I/ G could get it etc and I mentioned I was totally going to cry if I didn't get it tonight. The announcer came around just then to announce again that they were almost out. When I walked away to get in YET ANOTHER LINE, the counselor walked over to a coordinator who talked to another coordinator, they all pointed at me.

Uh oh.

The second coordinator walked over to me, said they were going to get me the shot but via the round about way and be nonchallant about it please. (What you don't want me screaming from the rafters?! :) She then took me around the back of the line. Grayson and I both got what we needed. Right then and there.

SO long story longer!
Today for Thankful Thursday I am Thankful for:
1. Whatever Guardian Angel/ good luck was with me that night to help us.

2. Being 30 weeks pregnant! Only 70 days left and my fingers are crossed that it will be a few less! ps. I would know by now if it was twins right?! RIGHT?! This baby always seems to have WAY more limbs than I can count and pokes in more directions than seems possible...

3. For great friends who are all seeming to have babies! Welcome to the world Lilah- another Halloween baby. I am so excited for you Belle and David! Parenthood rocks!

4. My house. I know this is probably getting old but I don't want to take a single moment for granted. I am happy we are still here and its ours.

5. Cook books. I planned some more meals to freeze today (it was another thing on hold until we knew what was going on with the house) and I love my cook books. A few of my absolute faves?
Don't Panic dinners in the freezer, Sandra Lee crock pots 1, 2. All very good for Freezer meals!





photo borrowed from KATU.com

Harvest Festival

At the Harvest Festival they had a little photo booth set up and were taking digital pics. They were also taking email addresses to send them to you at a later date. Honestly, I never figured I would see them (based on a recent photographer experience but that is another story) Today, I opened my email and imagine my surprise to see these!

(I feel-and look- like a hippo)

LOVE his smile in these!

Happy Halloween from the Buquets!

Today it was supposed to be horribly rainy and gross so this am after I finally got up (at 10- my hubby says now that I get to sleep in whenever I can on weekends since I am pregnant. Yay!) we went to Plumper Pumpkin Patch. It was dead quiet but we had a good time.

Grayson riding a tractor, not really a ride, the keys were still in it! oops!

Then we came home to have lunch and "attempt" a nap. Didn't happen. He came down after 45 minutes of needing drinks, pooping in his diaper, and fighting cause "its dark"- at noon. Sigh. He came down carrying his clothes from his closet that were to go under his costume.

We got him all dressed and headed to the mall for some trick or treating since it was supposed to rain at trick or treat time.

This is Joe (my friend Diana's brother) he is a very good sport! He was a dragon along with his little one John.

Grayson was very excited to do some trick or treating! Holding his loot bag that I had just made today. Just happened to have some orange Trick or Treat fabric laying around.
After about an hour of candy hunting and Grayson saying "Trick or Treat!" and "Happy Halloween" to all the candy distributors we decided to head home for dinner and to get ready for our next leg of the days adventures.


Grayson was apparently tired by this point. He was out, mid sentence while saying he was thirsty, before he ever took a drink.
REALLY out! I have never seen this child so tired!
He NEVER transfers to the couch, always wakes up immediately!
About 5:45 we were about to leave for a Harvest Festival at our friends church and G was still sleeping (he fell asleep about 5 or so). We tried to wake him, but he just kept falling back to sleep.

One might think a nice parent would allow their child to sleep... we aren't nice.
We put him in the car and went to the Harvest Festival.
He finally woke up about 6:20 and was ready to play. There was a ton of games to do and for each he got a piece of candy (or a handful depending on the person manning the booth!)


THEN when we left there we T or T'ed a few neighbors houses (since it hadn't rained in hours!) that we knew and then we were finally done!

This is the loot Grayson got. He was so stoked! I guess its ingrained to come home and lay it all out and count it because that was what he immediately suggested.

That is a very proud boy! Now to try and get him to bed...

Oh, and a funny bit, as we walked around the neighborhood there were some spooky costumes behind us. G kept turning around yelling "Go away MAN, Go away!" When I realized what the costumes were I had to stifle a giggle. It was a tiny kid, HIS size, in one of those masks that fill with blood when you pump the hand ball (like this) Who puts that on their 3 yr old?! The other kid was a very beefed up super hero of some sort I had never seen before. He calmed down when I told him it was just kiddos in costumes like him. But he did glance back a time or two more.

Monsters under the bed

Having been a nanny before Grayson, for mostly toddlers I knew this was coming. And somehow I thought we'd escape it.

Nope.

A few months ago he started saying there was a MAN in his room. We told him that there wasn't but he was sure there was. I figured it was just his tree behind his door. It does cast quite the shadow at night and I am sure if you are a toddler that could be quite scary. But it went on. He was adamant that there was a MAN in our house.

Now to get a little kooky for a second, I have always been a little "sensitive" to the paranormal. I was 6 when I saw my first "something," and another friend saw it too so it wasn't just me!
Then at 14 when a neighbor girl died in my mothers arms after a tragic car/bicycle accident, in a blanket that later ended up on my bed and weird things started happening in my house I was seemingly an old pro. It took me months to figure out the blanket was the connection, and it went in the garage. End of weird things... in the house. (Dad- THAT is why I hated the garage on Upas.) There have been many more over my life time.

The most recent of which was at my last house. It was a 1930.
It only had two previous owners before us. The last of which had it for 50something years and the wife died while in possession of the house (though not in it). It took him another 5 years to part with it, though not living in it most of that time. By the time we bought it it needed a good cleaning and much work. We made an agreement with the owner to do most of the work we wanted done ourselves to save him money but he had to pay for it- before we were done with the transaction. It got us keys for 2+ months before we owned it. Many nights we were there late; Zack working on miscellaneous things and me cleaning and ripping out 50 year old shelf paper etc.

One night, I was in the basement scrubbing as usual and "Zack" walked in. I "saw" him out of the corner of my eye. I began talking about what a pain in the ASS this job was and talked for a few minutes before I realized he was not answering me. I turned around to find no one, but still feeling like he was there behind me. I had many things "moved", rooms that felt "odd" to me, cold spots. And moving breezes in rooms with no windows open. You name it. I also had another friend tell me how creapy one particular room was, the same room I felt "odd" in. I had not told that friend anything about it yet.

So to hear my child say there is a MAN in his room, makes me a little weary. I can't say there ISN'T for sure. I don't see him or feel him, but that doesn't mean he doesn't exist. I felt very alone when I was a child and noone believed me. I didn't want to scare him, so we just told him we would protect him and keep him safe but that Mommy and Daddy don't see him.

Now we have moved onto Grayson being terrified of monsters under his bed. Bed time is usually a battle. He still says the man is there sometimes but mostly its just monsters. Poor thing. We leave on the ALL of the lights and still he screams a blood curtailing shrill as soon as you move away from him. :(

Last night I sat on the edge of his bed until he was in a light sleep then crept out. I found Zack and just shrugged. He won't go to college scared of the monsters being under his bed, I guess.

Unless they really are...

Happy Halloween!

(Dave- we will always miss you and I think about you often. Love and hugs.)